Tonks

shut up and let me see ya jazz hands 🌱

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

literally the best birthday present i have ever received in my life 😭😂❤️@SophieASlut @more_milf

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Wtf is going on with all the peanut contaminations atm? So many different products that I’ve eaten for years suddenly have traces in them??

Very weird. How/why pls.

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

There are few things in this world that provoke more female rage within me than bikini shopping

What do you MEAN I have to pay £45 for a top that fits and matching! bottoms! don’t! exist!

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Scissor Sisters have been waiting in the wings to return-serve Oasis all this time

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Not to brag or anything but the light bulb in my bedroom has died and I have actually gone to the shop and replaced it rather than being inconvenienced by it for months and doing nothing about it x

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Devastated to find out (at the ripe age of 25) that Madison Square Garden is not only not a garden, but also not a square

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Boomers love to tell you about their mate that does amazing tattoos and their work is always dog shit

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

name a bigger violation than someone you know accepting your follow request and not following you back

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

BREAKING NEWS: A couple from my year (that met at my primary school and got into a relationship a few years ago) have BROKEN UP.

I have not spoken to either of these people since I was 10 years old but I wish them both the best

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Apparently my ex and the girl he left me for that was “just a friend” have broken up

Oh no what a shame 🥰

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

A guy I got with on the weekend is 1 year younger than me and has just called me a cougar

I knew this day would come but I didn’t think it would be at 25

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

I stg when I have a crush it ruins my LIFE?? They become my special interest, it’s very distracting.

[mikey @mikey_747]

New Sophie Ellis-Bextor tune sounds a bit shit

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

It’s killing EVE not killing STEVE

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Watching Saltburn with my parents, pray for me

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

How are you gonna go down on me a week ago and not wish me a happy christmas ??

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

I would pay good money for Bradley cooper to cuss me out

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

I can’t explain what immense joy it brings me to see my exes failing whilst I succeed x

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Please to announce that after almost two years living in Brighton, I have entirely given up on shaving

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Whoever is writing these songs for the Just Eat ads deserves a raise because they’re all bangers

[Tonks @itwasdorris]

Running to change train platforms the other day and trying to get down to my train, I came to a halt at two escalators both coming up towards me

With less than a minute to spare, I ran down the upward trajectory escalator.

I fear I may never feel adrenaline like that again.