Kevin

hypnotically caucasian . @welcometowhf

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

The sound cats make when they talk to birds

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

No, it’s called a Rune Glifberg Machine and it does tailslides and yells at you in Danish

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

@ItsMeKristennn ITS A FREE SAUNA?? EN ESTA ECONOMIA?? KRISTEN, POR FAVOR

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Man does it feel gross to apply for a job at a place that just laid a fuck ton of people off, but idk shit about making my own multi billion dollar company so here we are.

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

@BannedCarTrav This has calmed me in a way that I’m embarrassed to admit

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

I keep getting ads for a $38 soap brick and I hate to admit it but bar soap is the only nice, niche thing I have left. If Big Soap takes this from me, idk man. How the fuck do you even arrive at $38 for soap

[big content guy @bigcontentguy]

they low-key hittin that shit

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

I’m tired of pretending I don’t hate the shit out of an aperol spritz. Just go huff the macys perfume counter, pervert

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Winding up in a Miami gulag because I can’t stop publicly agreeing with Hunter Biden on twitter dot com

[Pittsburgh Scanner @pgh_scanner]

Shadyside. Ellsworth Ave. If you put a gun in someone’s mailbox, they were not expecting it.

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Absolutely nothing pisses off a cat more than lightly grasping their paw and asking “can I have this?”

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

It is mystifying how shit Cody Gakpo is

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

I’ve read the phrase “boiled piss” or some derivative no fewer than 6 times this morning. I’m really going to miss the English influence when this season is over in an hour

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Rendering myself unhirable by answering truthfully when start ups ask “why do you want to work for us?”. Like you need a senior SME and I need a paycheck. No one knows your 30-person company, get over yourself

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

When you’re waiting on a single recruiter to message you back and you finally get a notification and it says “thank you for your payment!” <<<<<<

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Hot tip for the performative yinzer: mix in a “youse guys” now and again instead on running “yinz” into the ground until it’s a ghost of an atom

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

I think from now on, I’m not discussing problems that aren’t mine after three (3) days. Either talk to that person you’ve got beef with or punch them, idc just don’t exhaust me anymore man.

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Playing this fun game where my mom sends me an AI doorbell cam video of children playing with wild animals and I tell her it’s AI and she calls me an asshole

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

If you see me on LinkedIn engagement baiting, mind your fucking business ok

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Early offseason reminder that resign and re-sign are two totally different and in fact opposite words

[Kevin @ivebeenkevin]

Dan Muse is like what if a Naked Mole Rat was voiced by Clancy Brown