Ivars Brencis

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[Derek Devicemanager @IT_unhinged]

Security called me at 6:12 AM today.

"Patch every PHP server immediately."

I asked what happened.

"Two critical vulnerabilities. Remote code execution. No authentication required."

Cool.

How many PHP servers do we have?

According to inventory: 12

According to reality:

Nobody knows.

We found one running WordPress.

Three running old internal tools.

One under someone's desk.

Two inside vendor appliances.

A forgotten employee directory from 2016.

And a server named:

PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH

Naturally, that one runs payroll exports.

Then we found a PHP 5.6 box.

I asked who owned it.

The documentation said:

BRIAN.

Brian left in 2019.

We called Brian.

He said:

"Oh wow, that's still running?"

Excellent.

By 8 AM, leadership joined the incident call.

CEO:

"Can hackers actually get in?"

Security:

"Potentially yes."

CEO:

"Without a password?"

Security:

"Yes."

CEO:

"Then why do WE need passwords?"

Not the lesson.

Finance asked if we could wait until the weekend to patch because downtime affects revenue.

Security explained that the alternative was letting strangers execute code on our servers.

Finance asked for a cost comparison.

At 9:17, someone suggested temporarily taking the vulnerable websites offline.

Marketing refused.

"Our campaign is live."

So for the next hour, the company officially decided maintaining a landing page for 20% off webinar registration was more important than preventing remote server takeover.

We finally patched everything we could find.

Then our scanner discovered another PHP server.

Hostname:

TEMP-PHP-2014

Uptime:

4,512 days.

Nobody knows what it does.

Nobody owns it.

Nobody can shut it down.

But every time we block network access, the warehouse stops printing shipping labels.

Security has classified it as critical infrastructure.

It is running PHP 5.4.

The vulnerability has existed longer than half our employees.

The emergency patch took four hours.

Finding out what PHP actually runs took eleven.

The internet isn't held together with code.

It's held together with servers everyone is afraid to turn off.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@_tolx_ @Snowtales Pareizi būs, ja uz pilsētām skatās, jo Chatham islands "galvaspilsētai" Waitangi, kur dzīvo ap 180 cilvēku, laikam īsti pilsētas statuss nav :D

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I don't! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

Šodien beidzot uzzināju, kas ir "mentene".
Koka lāpstiņa kartupeļu rakšanai vai plakans airis.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@vvolis Nu un kad tad pēdējoreiz redzējāt?

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

I just posted "Par kāzu apmeklējumu bez ielūguma Pūcītei piesprieda 15 gadu cietumsodu" on Reddit

https://t.co/UA1XZOYRqN

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@enina_zane Saki, ka esi terapeite un iedod bankas kontu, uz kuru pārskaitīt honorāru par konsultāciju, kura jau ir progresā :D

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@AndrisKivics cien. Kiviča kungs, vai var palūgt avotu, kurā tas definēts? Liekas, ka terminoloģija, ko lieto pārējā pasaule, būs jāpārraksta 😆

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@tomsekmanis @shmaramagda Priekā! Attīrināsim savas sistēmas!

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

Vai Tu arī lieto D vitamīnu un trīs mutītes?

[︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ @tomsekmanis]

Kad pārnāc mājās no @shmaramagda kursiņiem par veselīgu dzīvesveidu un apgaismo savus trejdanča locekļus ar jaunajām zināšanām.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@vvolis Vispār es paņēmu. Šopiektdien nē, bet nākamajā vajadzētu būt karantīnā NZ, tad varētu sabīdīt, ja man laptops vilks normāli un ja karantīnā dos internetus.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@Svainis @malpils_lv Pie šiem atbilžu variantiem vēl vajadzēja dažus - "Gobzems", "Bils G", "Fiņķele" u.c.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@ievagai Bet bikses un svārki it kā tiek vilkti ļoti līdzīgi, kāpēc tad svārki vairāk mugurā? :)

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

Kreklu velk mugurā, kurpes velk kājās. Bet bikses un svārkus - velk mugurā vai kājās? #latviešuvalodaspārdomas #dilemma

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@vvolis Vienkārši pamostas ar svārkiem. Happens.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@elinapr Kur tu, piemēram, velc sieviešsvārkus?

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@vvolis Varbūt bandīti. Varbūt apzinīgi brīvdomātāji.

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@normis @fon_Schmitz @bizenajs @MartasTante @daknis @juris1c Jā, es šo savulaik izpētīju. Tajā laikā Kolka stash vēl nebija nomainīts datums uz oriģinālo, bet stāvēja kaut kāds 2008/9 gads. Un par Karlsonu arī sapratu kā bija. P.s. https://t.co/ISR91cH2Xt vēl pastāv

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@spryfox you really should just have called it "Alphabear 2: Pose a Gatepost." #RenameAB2

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

@Polarlapsa @prusux @FacesPics Es arī nezinu, bet ja tā pasaka, ir arī līdzīgs papagailim :O

[Ivars Brencis @ivss_xx]

Old one-eyed Ginger Jacks voices his opinion... #facesinthings #iseefaces @FacesPics