Allison Swan

I am not to be truffled with

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Oceanside ☁️

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Flight attendants are the nursing majors of the sky

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

When the moon hits your eye, ammiright?

[alex @alex_abads]

help 😭

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

They tell you that your 20’s are your prime, but really you’re just reading books on trauma and trying to heal your inner child. 🫣

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

I’d like 2 minutes in the ring with whoever decided hard boiled eggs are a breakfast food.

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Can we take it again? My eyes were closed.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

People making fun of my cargo shorts until they need a ratchet set or a pulled pork sandwich.

[todd dillard @toddedillard]

I don’t know who needs to hear this but living your life to the fullest does not have to involve hiking

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

@HootenWilson Once There Were Wolves by Charlotte McConaghy

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Go ahead and put the aluminum back in your deodorant, or go back inside.

[matchy🪱 @swearjaragain]

these are the crocs of a killer, bella

[mark @TheCatWhisprer]

It's not how close you park to the store entrance that matters, it's how close you park to the cart return.

[Rich Villodas @richvillodas]

Evangelical Christianity in the United States is often characterized by a deep desire to have “Christianity” pervade our culture but not have Christ permeate our being.

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Really wish I would’ve befriended the academic overachievers in high school so I could have a doctor on hand anytime I felt sick.

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

Frostwire vs Limewire walked so Apple Music vs Spotify could run

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

I too, cannot get through my day without a swig of Hershey’s syrup and my afternoon peanut butter crackers.

[crazy ass moments in american politics @ampol_moment]

Tennessee State Rep. Kent Calfee takes a swig from a hershey's syrup bottle while waiting for the governor's speech to begin (2020)

[Kyle Griffin @kylegriffin1]

Just watch this video. Just watch.

[Allison Swan @iwilldoitlater_]

What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Separate blankets.

[fer♌️ @ferngalvn]

wtf western dental do to this man 😭

[Frog and Toad Bot @FrogandToadbot]

'Tomorrow!' cried Toad. 'I will do it all tomorrow!'