I Writes Stuff

TV Writer. Film Writer.
Also kind of scared of lots of things.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

All the GOSSIP GIRLS died."

#sadTVshows

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

"Your father had cancer when you were 6, and he was not a SURVIVOR"

#sadTVshows

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

How I Met Your Mother

#sadTVshows

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

So, sexy twit pics disguised as ironic comments on the sexy twit pic culture are still just calls for attention, right?

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

St. Patrick's Day, but with orange and milkshakes.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

“Hey buddy, tough day?”

- my hamburger, 6 seconds ago.

“Hi, mom? I need help.”

-me, 3 seconds ago

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Or the best movie. "RT @Buck65: Rowboat Cop would probably be a crappy movie."

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Is it “Hup, two, three, four!” or “Hut, two, three, four!”?

Asking for a friend.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

“Ha Ha ha”

He was trying to say “Haley’s gonna shoot me in the face,” but everyone just thought speech impediment Matthew was laughing.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Snakes, but with legs and short pants.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

“I’m late, but it doesn’t mean anything. Just forgot to set my clock forward.”

- Mel’s Period, reassuring her she’s not pregnant.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

“Who invited him?”

-Green Relish to Sauerkraut, regarding Red Relish, at a condiment party.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

It’s like ketchup, but yellow. And stupider. #Mustard

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

No, I don’t want fries with that. I’d like them with something else. Let me change my order.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Armpits, man. Just grinding it out, everyday.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

“If you’re gonna masturbate to a televised dog show, please use closed captioning."

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

If I had breasts, this bra would fit better. Probably.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

"4 friends order 3 hamburgers, 2 cokes, and grab one napkin."

Pilot Synopsis for “Bad Math,” NBC’s new sitcom. Premiering this fall.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Putin puts his pants on one stupid leg at a time, just like everybody else that’s stupid.

[I Writes Stuff @iwritesstuff]

Sex on Wednesdays is a bit on the nose, don’t you think? #HumpDay