Jacob Schultz

Haven’t said anything funny in two years

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

I’ll never go to midnight rodeo. Does Michael even still go to school here?

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

In 1775, parliament passed the Randi Act in the colonies which stated that any time anyone did anything they had to pay the Randi tax because Randi owned everything. This directly led to the American Revolution.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

It’s a common misconception that all of your tax dollars go to Israel. It actually all goes to Randi Anderson.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Liz woke up for work before Hunter did this morning. She’s way more blue collar and definitely makes more than 14 or 15.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

I slept through my alarm and missed my class this morning. It’s probably because Michael doesn’t have Snapchat.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Just ate two spoonfuls of peanut butter. #shoutouthellburger

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

I just bought 109 dogecoin. Absolutely the dumbest purchase I’ve ever made.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Guess what Hunter Wood thinks women’s suffrage is.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

I can’t believe two real adults with brains in their heads thought it was a good idea to name their child MAGNUM.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

I know it’s difficult to believe but my brother is a smart guy.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Me and Michael can’t be friends anymore because he doesn’t have Snapchat.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Today in accounting, Jack and I learned Danny Matthews won senior assassin which earned him the Priddy Scholarship. #classof68

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

MSU police officer son or serial killer daughter?

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Group project for Organizational Behavior ruined my life today. I’m fucking mad. #shoutoutcollege

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Will anyone ever make a cure for swamp ass

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Imagine if Halston’s last name was Ralston

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Just finished off a roll of toilet paper at the library. It was a rough time.

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Got suspended from the frat for lupping too hard

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Cole and Crawford are loving what I have to say today

[Jacob Schultz @j2schultzy]

Absolutely dominated pickup volleyball today #fuckthechafs