Beansie

Say Neva

[Beansie @jabber94]

@P_Townnn @OhRyanMead Guys like you should be extinct

[Beansie @jabber94]

@OhRyanMead Retooled by trading 3 first round picks in 4 days without acquiring a star. Trading trocheck in a league where everyone is yielding first round picks for Sean fucking Durzi.... Worst gm in hockey and these moves are pure desperation. "Aggressive retools" are franchise destroyers

[Beansie @jabber94]

Bro what the fuck are the Sixers wearing dude

[NBA on ESPN @ESPNNBA]

VJ TOUGH BUCKET IN THE CLUTCH 🥶

[Evan @CorePython]

McCarron is a pending UFA and could fetch a 2nd tho I can’t LMFAO

[Beansie @jabber94]

Assassination not off the table for a tweet like this

[Skip Bayless @RealSkipBayless]

WE WIN IN OVERTIME. USA beats Sweden in Olympic hockey. You know, 3-on-3 is much more fun to watch. More open ice. More 1-on-1 shots on goal. Less lucky-bounce high-traffic goals in front of net. Listening, NHL?

[Rob Gucci @heatdaddy69420]

[John Tortorella at Starbucks]

Barista: Hi welcome in what can I get started for you today?

Torts: I’m doin well ahh-

*torts looks up at the menu and squints while he finds what he’s looking for. He keeps looking at the menu for an extended amount of time without looking back at the barista. The barista takes note of this*

Barista: is there something I could help you find?

Torts: Yeah no, no

Barista: yes?

*torts folds his arms and looks at the guy directly in the eye. He quickly shakes his head back and forth*

torts: no, I said no

*Torts looks back up at the menu, lets out an outrageous fart that fucking stinks, and then finally looks back at the Barista*

Torts: I’ll just do a ahh, one of those pumpkin spice lattes ya got

Barista: Oh I’m sorry sir, if thats what you were searching for, that’s not on the menu..it's not in season right now at this location. some locations carry it year round but unfortunately we no longer serve them

torts: what do you mean in season? there's seasons for coffee now? i mean jesus christ is that what you're tellin me right now? that there's seasons for coffee?

*the barista senses that tortorella is about to cause a scene, he nervously looks behind him for assistance but nobody is there*

barista: yes unfortunately they like to come out with the pumpkin flavored beverages around late august and then usually they're no longer an item on the menu that's available by the end of autumn

*tortorella looks down at the floor and shakes his head in disgust. he lets out a heavy sigh of breath out of his nostrils and chuckles in a sarcastic way*

torts: well lemme ask ya this my friend, do you have the ingredients to make the drink back there? do you have the pumpkin horseshit? cause all ya need for the drink is the coffee and the milk and the pumpkin shit. if you have the pumpkin flavored syrup thing, you can make me the drink. it cant be difficult

barista: ss-sir, I uh, i dont know if we do, but if we do, I just can't ring up that drink it's not something i'm even able to do right now. I don't think we have the pumpkin syrup but also there's cinnamon and ginger in the beverage as well.. and I know we don't have th-

*tortorella, now furious, interrupts*

torts: listen pal i dont give a rats ass about cinnamon sticks or gingerbread i just want the god damn pumpkin flavored bullshit in the coffee. you got me? i mean how hard is that for you to understand right now, jesus christ what is the matter with you? talkin about seasons for coffee and cinnabons i just want the fucking pumpkin spice latte drink thats all i fucking want. this is unbelievable

*the barista, incredibly nervous, caves to the pressure*

barista: ok sir, give me a moment let me see if we have the pumpkin syrup.. and if you want I can go ahead and make a regular latte for you and i can let you put in as much of the pumpkin syrup as you'd like

torts: why do I have to do it?

barista: because well, this way I can just ring you up for a normal latte and you can put the pumpkin in it to and it'll be close to the taste that you're going for

*tortorella gets as close to the counter at the register as he can. his legs are pressed against it, and he's leaning over the counter, nearly in the baristas face*

torts: [in a quiet voice] let me ask you something kid, do you have balls?

barista: wh, excuse me? alright this has gone on far too lon-

torts: you heard me. I asked you, man to man, do you have fucking balls in that sack of yours thats hanging below your lightswitch of a dick? answer the fucking question

barista: [reluctantly] ye...yes..

torts: [now pointing at where the baristas balls are] ok then. now take your balls, go back there, and see if you have the pumpkin bullshit for me, and we can go from there. got it? Lets start with that. Is that something you're capable of?

*all of a sudden the guy behind torts in line decides to chime in to the situation*

guy: hey man, come on, this is absolutely ridicul-

*before the guy even finishes his sentence, tortorella turns around and without hesitation he cold cocks the guy directly in the face with a right hook. the dude immediately goes down and hes unconscious on the floor. everyone in the coffee shop lets out a gasp or a scream. theres blood profusely leaking from the guys mouth*

torts: oh FUCK! jesus christ! stay the fuck out of my shit!

*the barista makes a run towards the back to call for help. torts jumps over the counter and chases him, he dives at full extension and tackles the barista with both his arms wrapped around the baristas legs*

torts: where the fuck do you think you're going you pussy get me the fucking pumpkin syrup you fucking coward!!!! jesus christ!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!

*out of nowhere, another starbucks employee rips his belt off his waste and slides in to help. he tries to wrap the belt around tortorellas neck in an effort to stop him from attacking his co-worker. Tortorella lets go of the baristas legs and is scrambling on the floor to get the belt unwrapped from his neck*

torts: [barely with any air] oh fuck you, you fucking pussy

*torts breaks free of the stranglehold and somehow maneuvers on the floor to get top position on the co-workers back, he gets full control of the belt. he wraps it around the co-workers neck and flips him upside down, the kid now laying on torts stomach while torts' back is on the floor while attempting to strangle him. out of nowhere, the kid gets a boner while this is happening and torts sees it and lets go of the belt and scrambles away from the kid*

torts: [screaming] what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

*torts b-lines it back towards the counter, leaps over it, and starts running through the lobby towards the door. as he's about to push open the glass door and burst through, he notices a SWAT team is outside in the parking lot and dives sideways toward the floor. The swat team fires hundreds of rounds of ammunition at the starbucks and are screaming over a loudspeaker for tortorella to surrender and come out with his hands up. glass is shattering everywhere, bullets are ringing off the metal framing of the front doors*

*tortorella army crawls towards the counter and crawls around it, taking cover behind the register. he looks around and crawls back further into the store, frantically searching for the pumpkin syrup. at this point, the barista and his coworker have escaped through the drive thru window. torts finds the syrup and then somehow, through hundreds of bullets and stun grenades blasting through the starbucks, pours himself a latte and adds the syrup to it. He takes a sip and burns his mouth*

torts: oh FUCK off. what the fuck!!!!!!!!!!

stay tuned for part 2...

[Beansie @jabber94]

We running out of shit to talk about LeSean

[Dov Kleiman @NFL_DovKleiman]

Oh Boy: LeSean McCoy goes OFF on Sam Darnold for joining Kenneth Walker's trip to Disneyland.

"If Sam Darnold was the [Super Bowl] MVP, I guarantee you K9 [Kenneth Walker] would not have been there."

😬😬😬

[Beansie @jabber94]

Not really keeping the promise you made in the last paragraph huh

[New York Rangers @NYRangers]

A Message from Chris Drury to Our Fans

[Beansie @jabber94]

@tommylugauer don't talk hockey anymore Mr. Times New Roman font

[Beansie @jabber94]

@WFAN660 @tommylugauer Alright bro settle the fuck down, teams got Ritchie, Palat, Drouin and Heineman in their top 6... we will all collectively shit pants if they win 2 playoff series. Gold standard of mid teams that roll lines maybe, oh wait that's Carolina

[Beansie @jabber94]

Tom Wilson Batista Bombing our best player with no fans in the stands led to this moment btw

[Beansie @jabber94]

BTW, same P.D. that let Sandusky hold a clipboard for 2 years after Joe Pa walked in on a horror show, this kid throws a cross at Penn State Doucher and we're looking at a band in prison, make that shit make sense

[Gino Hard @GinoHard_]

Gavin McKenna faces felony aggravated assault charges after allegedly breaking someone's jaw during a Jan. 31 altercation in downtown State College.

The projected 2026 NHL 1st overall pick faces up to 20 years if convicted 😬

[Beansie @jabber94]

Hey. Bimbo. We are poverty. NY is poverty. Who are the big stars that come here besides Panarin? Le'Veon Bell and Kenny Golladay? I hope Drury is wearing handcuffs this free agency period, I don't him further destroying this already dog shit franchise with his grimey cuck hands

[Lauren🏒 @Ms_NYRangers]

It’s funny how fans of poverty franchises are making fun of the #NYR. Guess what? Big free agents will always want to come here & not to your dusty ass team. 11.6 million in cap space is now available for next year. You think Drury isn’t going to get a star with that? Please

[Beansie @jabber94]

Prospect hugging Wednesday in NY/NJ, "Oh ima compare him to Skenes without comparing him to Skenes, but really i just wanna put future a future 67-95 teams set-up man's name in a sentence with Paul Skenes. SNY boy, stop babying players that don't have on field clout. It's unbecoming

[Tyler @WardyNYM]

Christian Scott is going to be a weapon for the Mets

Buddy was casually putting up the best MILB numbers only trailing Skenes leading to his 2024 MLB debut

And now for the first time in years, Scott is fully healthy without much innings restriction

[Beansie @jabber94]

Bro started the night going for dimes and pivoted to hog hunting like it's 3 a.m. in Hoboken. Only difference is that it was 2pm in Wayne and we had a fucking month to make this trade. Grimey bitch

[PuckEmpire @puckempire]

The New York Rangers reportedly asked for Will Smith from the Sharks & Ryan Leonard from the Capitals in Artemi Panarin trade talks, but both teams said no, per @MurphysLaw74.

[Beansie @jabber94]

Chris Drury this morning when he realized one of the best players in the sport had a preferred destination and wouldn't say yes to Coffee and Depression in a city like Seattle

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

One year ago

Montoya watched his girl have sex with another guy on national tv

[Beansie @jabber94]

It's called our GM is a two-pack of ass and choked the minute he had to use the CTE portions of his brain. Players forcing their ways to teams happens all the time, it diminishes the value maybe 25% at most. Drury sat in the cuck chair and acted like a NMC was a bomb on his chest

[Ryan Mead @OhRyanMead]

NYR traded Reilly Smith back to VGK and their return was:

Brendan Brisson - 29th overall in 2020 draft and a third round pick.

NYR traded Artemi Panarin and their return was:

Liam Greentree - 26th overall in the 2024 draft and a conditional 3rd and 4th

Am I going crazy here?

[Beansie @jabber94]

Cope-a-rific

[NYR Louie ™️ @NYRLouie]

Im not much of a “he’s got that dog in him” kind of a guy

But he may have that dog in him

#NYR

[Beansie @jabber94]

Straight. Up. Ass.

[Leo @Leo__260]

Updated #NYR  prospect pool:

Gabe Perreault
Scott Morrow
Liam Greentree
Malcolm Spence
Brennan Othmann?
EJ Emery
Carey Terrance
Dylan Garand

Definitely not the best but it’s far from the worst like a year ago. Need that truly elite prospect which we will hopefully get in June

[Beansie @jabber94]

@NYRLouie @Chris_LGR2024 3 points in 41 career games, gotta earn pp minutes, not just get then because you walked on a stage once. Prime Dryden Hunt deserved pp time more than him right now