Jessica B

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

Wear a mask.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

I’ve never felt more loved than when my boyfriend was like “hey can you pick your piece of pizza so I don’t eat the wrong one.” (Because he knows I have to pick the one with the crispiest pepperonis)

[Jessica B @jablair20]

I just saw an ad for a Paint By Numbers that said “Would you like a relaxing, new hobby while you are quarantined?” Yeah, but it sure isn’t that. I have anxiety just THINKING about attempting to paint the 3s in the lines and not accidentally painting the 8s instead!

[Jessica B @jablair20]

@tmautz22 GTFO... that is a trash opinion

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Bloggers are telling me to put on regular clothes and do my makeup and hair to make me feel like a normal person. Shut up Rebecca. I rarely put jeans on or washed my hair before this whole ordeal.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

I would love to thank them for their service to this country and everything they are doing to help flatten the curve. (I haven’t rolled my eyes this hard in weeks)

[Page Six @PageSix]

Celebrities are going makeup-free while social distancing https://t.co/11u5yQ4eCu

[Missy Elliott @MissyElliott]

👍🏾🙂

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Social distancing with my boyfriend includes a lot of snacks and Workaholics. It’s like college all over again except this time I can afford good wine.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Saltines and sprite are a gift from God when you feel like death.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Why do people have to say “so thankful to eat all vegan food this thanksgiving.” Good for you Karen. Now pass my mashed potatoes and turkey.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Is it a requirement to be an Uber driver you have to listen to NPR?

[Jessica B @jablair20]

My stomach just growled so loud I didn’t think it came from me so I walked around my apartment looking for someone hiding waiting to kill me.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

After working four night shifts, you can bet my butt is laying in bed watching Vanderpump Rules and eating popcorn off my chest for the rest of the day/night.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

The butt of a burrito is the best part of the burrito.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

She retweets as she buys another candle for her studio apartment... (I am she)

[Hannah Berner @beingbernz]

I want so many candles in my apartment that it looks like a yoga studio/shrine/someone is getting sacrificed.

[Hannah Berner @beingbernz]

I want so many candles in my apartment that it looks like a yoga studio/shrine/someone is getting sacrificed.

[Chelsea Peretti @chelseaperetti]

DONT U DARE SLING THAT FANNY PACK OVER UR SHOULDER KEEP IT IN ITS NATURAL HABITAT AND LET IT THRIVE ! if ur reallllllllly too cool for school babe go ahead n drop out

[Jessica B @jablair20]

I could listen to Seth Rogen’s laugh on repeat.

[Jessica B @jablair20]

Walking out of Sephora with all my sample sizes ready to F 💩 up tonight. (Sorry mom I’m just really excited.)