jack fagan

“I quit twitter, fools.” (him/he quit)

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

New twitter, like new Coke before it, is gross and I don’t want to drink it. Also Bill Cosby was the face of new Coke and that shit seems apt, too.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

Is it me or is Peacock run off Windows 95?

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

I’ve lost loved ones to cancer, AIDS, addiction, the lot. And yet nothing is worse than your friend marrying a Peloton guy.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly Thaz awesomely

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

Thirty-nine years ago today AfterMASH was born.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly Oh sure everyone took Qatar’s money but when Camilla needs them? Nothing.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

Why can’t my seven-year-olds get out of the car?

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

A chipwich is a valid sandwich.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly several is enough

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@otherhouses @ZacharyLipez EMMA

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

Everyone: you have consistently failed to move with the prevailing culture

NYT: HOW BOUT NOW?

https://t.co/GCtbhUVdQZ

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly Yeah but it’s a construct of Big Car Bow. They’re trying to trick us into buying new rides for each other.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly It’s me. You can just say breakfast again.

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

If you like getting 100 consecutive one-word texts you’re gonna LOVE being married. Happy Valentine’s Day!❤️

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly It must be on tape *someplace*

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

REMbrandt

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@BenjaminBirdie Jeebus Crackers

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

Poker Face is cheugy

[jack fagan @jackfagan]

@FunKelly Oh it’s that catering show now. The one that won’t die.