Jack Telford

always craving a shandy

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

Nothing worse than meeting someone in Tesco, having a chat, saying goodbye, then awkwardly passing them on every other fucking isle.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@zar_goes_vroom @aledlastluver D Ree ex r .s

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

Nikita Mazepin. You fucking retard. Go and race in Russia on your own. You’d still lose.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

Anyone else use to pick up the other house phone while someone was on a call and eavesdrop like a nosy cunt?

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

To all those who send snaps saying, ‘recent insta’. You’re the worst type of person and I will go out of my way to unlike your fucking post

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@taylorconor99 Shit

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

These two women on the train are celebrating some business venture and cracked open a bottle of Champagne. they didn’t have any glasses, so theyre using their Burger King cups. Poetry.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

When those onions make you cry

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

Just saw Avengers Endgame and noticed Thanos has exactly the same policies as Sir David Attenborough.

[Jeremy Clarkson @JeremyClarkson]

More news from Vietnam. It’s the same word here for “Motherfucker” and “green bean”. That’s why the talks broke down probably.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@derekcollinsmsl Damn right 😂

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

Nothing worse than meeting someone in Tesco, having a chat, saying goodbye, then awkwardly passing them on every other fucking isle.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@DaveBran27 Just let me know if limmy wants to sue for copyright infringement. I’ll start organising my defence

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@DaveBran27 I’ll tell you what buddy, it is a coincidence. Thought of it while scanning the gin selection.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@DaveBran27 Well, fine sir. I have never watched limmy’s show. I’m sure it’s a good watch.

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

@DaveBran27 Who the fuck is limmy patter

[Dexerto @Dexerto]

BRUHHH 🤣🤣

[Jack Telford @jacktelford20]

Been disowned for calling mum a fucking idiot after wrongly accusing colonel Mustard in the library with the dagger. Was Reverend Green you fucking sponge