OGHOTDOGPENIS

Tall, awkward, mail human.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

@johncusack, is that you in the crowd dancing to Spinal Tap??

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Phone changed “chat” to “c-hat” today and I think I may have found a new insult AND product idea all in one...you sneaky lil c-hats.
#ahatforyour

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Detective: Do you know why we arrested you?

Me: (chewing gum) Yea...Cause I burnt my old house down, duh.

Detective: Wha!? No! Well...Come on!

Me: (blows a bubble)

Detective: YOU LIT YOUR DAD’S NUTS ON FIRE!!!

(bubble pops)

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Is brewing yer own shine illegal? Asking for a friend.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #03
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #06
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #05
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #04
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #02
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

WERKIN' ON MY TAN
Virgin #01
#postactualmating #actuallypostmating #matingbutintheposttense #cummingonmyown #leg #stummy #usednapkin #paperplate

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Saw a guy vaping with no mask on.

Cotton candy flavored Coronavirus!
Now available at Douchebags!

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Hot and real heavy
My knees start to buckle
His lips reach my ears
And say, “Fart on my knuckles...”

Pop the Balloon
An intensely EROTIC Poem

#erotic #poetry #fart

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Actual interaction I heard today after eating Buffalo Wild Wings...

Bootyhole: GOTTA SHIT!!

Me: But we just shit a couple minutes ago...

Bootyhole:

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Voice actors be crushing right now, adding “contact-less” has got to be going for top dollar at the moment.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

I nicknamed my dentist’s nuts “words” cause I’m sick of him putting them in my mouth.

PG-13 version: Simply switch the word nuts with fingers and mouth with butt.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

You know what this lockdown is really missing...my neighbor blasting imagine dragons SAIL on repeat.

Oh wait.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

God save the queef

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Turns out “hurts like a mother fucker” means something hurts your feelings the way it would if you found out someone was fucking your mother. And not...that other thing.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

@littlecaesars has the moist excellent cummercials.

[OGHOTDOGPENIS @jacobalankubon]

Who’s finna roll through and git blackout drunk while watching Bedazzled on repeat?