jade

i dont go outside • she/her • 28

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

comparison is the thief of joy when other people do it but when i do comparisons i do them better and in a way that makes me feel good

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

coworkers be like have you seen the disco ballsack

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

call me a sapiosexual the way im fucking these glasses

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me tuna on rye because of the weird smell i emit during sex

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

hey man, you’re complicating hammer time

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me chili cheese dog in the streets and just a regular hot dog with no chili or cheese in the streets

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me the john wayne of sea turtles

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

getting fatter cause of my tapeworm cause i keep eating more to feed it 😔

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me syphilis mary.. cause my first name is syphilis and my last name is mary

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me Jade “no last name” Hall

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

squinting is natures sunglasses

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

“i would never talk shit,” said the shit-talker

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

don’t ever ask a bitch if she’s sure, I’m sure

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

yeah maybe DARE stands for Drugs Are Really Evil, but DARG stands for Drugs Are Really Good so… who’s to say

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

my wife be like ooooh aaaah oooooooh she learned mongolian throat singing

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

you know what they say about edgers: never far, always close

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me the thing knower

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

doing so many squats at the gym they’re calling me a backend developer

[jade @jade5a5hall5]

they call me the little sipper cause i be taking little sips of my beverage and also im like a collection of stars shaped like a tiny little spoon