Jade Hofbauer

26 | sagittarius |

[Brett Merriman @shmerriman]

A credit score but for how efficiently you board/get off a plane

[Pastrami Mommy @ewelannawhite]

addicted to saying “not my circus, not my monkeys” to things that are absolutely both my circus and my monkeys

[g @34rths]

Some of the music I listen to is straight up bad. This is my truth sorry

[alfie @alfienxo]

i love the word 'also' because i'm never done talking

[Ivy⸆⸉ @idkwahatimdoing]

Wait a damn minute

[larry davids mistress @b1gdumb1diott]

It’s crazy that Chicago is the only city in the world

[𝙶𝚊𝚠𝚞𝚔𝚊 𝚔𝚊𝙼𝚐𝚎𝚐𝚎𝚍𝚕𝚊 @Somlimokazi]

Don’t invite me nowhere with chairs that don’t have a back to it.

[your babyy ❤️🦋 @Veryweirdgirl_]

Of course your wife can't cook like your mom. YOU SHOULD!!!

You're her son. You ate her food your whole life!!

[Meggy⁵⁰⁰ @igetsoinspired]

Putting all my eggs in one basket bc I only like this one basket

[Brian Tyler Cohen @briantylercohen]

Checking in on this.

[Jade Hofbauer @jade_hofbauer]

Men who should be in therapy are just talking to chat gpt instead

[‏ً @itsnwts]

FUN FACT: Girls actually will suffer unearthly tragedies and still actually run errands the same day with a smile on their face but if a man's parents divorce when he is 12 he will unleash his wrath on the world for the rest of his life.

[PAUL @RAVENSCOON]

“far left” and it’s just affordable healthcare and housing

[first ethical space cowboy @cowboybecsbop]

Popcorn is zero calories in my opinion. Any fries I am offered from of someone else’s meal also have no calories. And you guessed it, Fun mid day drinks are zero cal. I am on this earth to enjoy what it offers me and do not get paid enough

[Joshua Martin @JoshuaRMartin]

It’s remarkable how consistently pro pedophile the Republican Party is.

[black ocean @clitdad]

You're born.

You watch pants go from baggy to skinny back to baggy every 10 years.

You die.

[jelly_fish_456 @enemyfelled]

i’m calling off my search for likeminded individuals there’s nobody out there