jade.

Not bad for a girl with no talent.

[Taniel @Taniel]

The final paragraph of the three liberals' Dobbs dissent:

"With sorrow—for this Court, but more, for the many millions of American women who have today lost a fundamental constitutional protection—we dissent. "

[jade. @jadevakil]

Why is everyone obsessed with trying to fold fitted sheets perfectly, just ball it up and throw it in your closet like a normal person.

[jade. @jadevakil]

@saintkayleigh We never miss

[jade. @jadevakil]

I know I’m weird because as a kid I didn’t want to be a “teacher” or a “mommy,” I just wanted to be rich enough to buy what I wanted from the Sharper Image catalogue without limit.

[jade. @jadevakil]

@ehernandez @Rainesford okay that was literally the HIGHLIGHT of my school year.

[jade. @jadevakil]

Someone explain to me why the album cover theme for every pop rock album released between 1998-2005 was “Weird Stick Figure Magazine Cut Out Art Dark Magic.” Why did they think this was a good idea.

[jade. @jadevakil]

@smashleywar We were clearly not The Chosen Ones in this life

[jade. @jadevakil]

Don’t know why God gave me poor people anxiety like losing sleep over work or money when I could’ve been given Birkin Bag Anxiety™️

[jade. @jadevakil]

It pays to have a dad in construction

[jade. @jadevakil]

Let us be thankful that we have the current depressing version of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, versus the sinister version that was originally written for Judy Garland.

[jade. @jadevakil]

I officially became a resident of Virginia and finally got mt Virginia Secure ID back, but my ID picture was awful and my mom was like, “I don’t know, maybe they should call it the Virginia Insecure ID with the way they make you take pictures in this state.”

[jade. @jadevakil]

I answered the door for a bunch of 10 year old trick or treaters and they didn’t even say “Trick or Treat!”, they just were like why is this 30 year old woman dressed up as a banana listening to Jay Z alone in her living room.

[jade. @jadevakil]

Midsommar’s writers: We’re going to make the most effed up, uncomfortable movie of all time

Squid Game writers: Hold my beer

[jade. @jadevakil]

I thought Midsommar was the last time I’d be traumatized by a film/television show and then Squid Game came along.

[jade. @jadevakil]

@joshetyler @bethyallard Bethy Allard should watch Saw before she watches this.

[jade. @jadevakil]

Rule 1: Boomers - the generation who is pressed by everything. On God, I’ll never become a Karen in my lifetime 👏🏼

[jade. @jadevakil]

Boomers LOVE to shit on millennials for spending too much on coffee everyday and not being able to afford big, landmark purchases and then we talk to our (boomer) neighbor who tells us that when he was our age, he bought the house for $69,000. He’s selling it for $900,000.

[jade. @jadevakil]

Most underrated Spice Girls song is Never Give Up on the Good Times

[jade. @jadevakil]

Hot take: Ava Phillipe looks nothing like Reese Witherspoon and just like Ryan Phillipe, and Deacon Phillipe looks identical to Reese Witherspoon and not like Ryan Phillipe, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.