👾 jaelyn 👾

[claud @cprandoni_]

donald trump was accused of sexual assault and became president of the united states

brett kavanagh was accused of sexual assault and became a lifelong judge on the highest court of the nation

don’t ever fucking tell me that accusations ruin a man’s life.

[™️ @pmyers_tm]

Today is national vodka day aka the real national boyfriend day

[👾 jaelyn 👾 @jaexistential]

@GiuliaCiaccia i want this video tattooed on my body

[🌙 @sanamterikasaam]

if u find a guy that makes u laugh, keep him. men r not funny

[Bailey Fehrman @bfehrman13]

You will never appreciate a FaceTime call until it’s the closest thing you have to actually being with the person you miss

[kelly @BoyYeetsWorld]

Everyone who has ever tweeted about their psychology professor telling them deep stuff about love is lying for retweets. All We learn in psych classes is how to conduct studies and how Sigmund Freud loved cocaine

[Tristen Kissack @TKissack20]

i posted it on snapchat already but twitter deserves this video of Lilo 😂😂

[ella ⁷ @ksjikigai]

if you speak more than one language you’re fucking hot

[Benjamin A. Vorwerk @bvorwerk]

[watching Queer Eye]

Antoni: G R E E K Y O G U R T

Tan: F R E N C H T U C K

Jonathan: Z H U Z H

Bobby: [builds a house nbd]

Karamo: R E M E M B E R W H O Y O U A R E S I M B A

[Jar Jar Binks Stan Account @alexaestela13]

But GOD FORBID you don’t stand for their anthem or respect their flag https://t.co/m6brqXc6BN

[tone @TonyBologneoni]

Fake Post Malone account: “Love until you can’t love anymore, that’s when the good things in life happen”

Actual Post Malone: https://t.co/I7LMJKfQZ7

[Zach Svobodny @ZachSvobodny]

Day 1768 w/o sex: I’ve found myself getting an irresistible urge to travel to Africa so that I can kill an innocent giraffe & take pics of me standing next to it while giving a “thumbs up.” My therapist said it’s quite common for a guy who doesn’t get laid much to want to do that

[Adrianna @_adriannamonet]

drake needs to come up with some lyrics about tipping your servers so y’all can fuckin feel that