lo mein lover

unapologetically insane

[lo mein lover @jake1b]

getting my second vaccine and my hormone shot on the same day just to fuck around and find out

[microplastics nanobubbler @facetedcarapace]

oh you're wearing colored contacts? wow I didn't even notice. they definitely aren't the scariest thing I've seen all day

[cheyenne🆗️ @evilvillain1231]

Smoking on that shit that made Ford Focus

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

Went in to a gas station and this poor woman’s boss was being so mean to her. Little did she know, one of my favorite things to do is yell at people’s bosses. You can’t fire me bitch Im a customer.

[Cerenity Daniel @RennyFlagship]

I ignore thoughts of suicide cause like ... why would I kill the king

[⭐️ @c0wboysl0ver]

yea sex is great, but have u ever watched the teams u hate be first round exits

[henrock @_henrock]

Praying none of yall are unwrapping podcast equipment 🙏🏿

[Drebae @Drebae_]

YOUR religion doesn’t prohibit ME from doing anything. It prohibits YOU.

Learn the difference & stay out my business.

[🦢 @meishato]

“people you may know” and it’s someone i would push off a cliff

[dior ✞ @deeore5]

i think the problem is nobody's had a 2am walmart trip in over 4 years

[killjoy 🐇 @pvnkpilled]

“everyone gets a plate before you can have seconds” but for housing

[Thick Saban ✨ @RaveenTheDream]

Ima have to take off work to read every single comment

[Bill Ari @ImBillRay]

the first FBI agent who read the "if you read this you are gay lmao" casing

[- @cecesinterludee]

The fake moral shit people do when evil people die <<<<<<

[BlackRedGuard ☭ 🇵🇸🔻⛓️‍💥 @OGBlackRedGuard]

well guess he lost the debate

[max @maxinethepoet]

I can’t lie to any of you, I never check the calorie count of anything. I do not care. I will never care.

[Vivian @suchnerve]

how it feels to always be the one asking to hang out or call

[lia 🚀 @beefyfridgers]

“I’m an intermittent faster” oh really i couldn’t tell when you screamed at me at 11am for dropping a waterbottle

[Rusty 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @ImSmilingRn]

It probably feels good asf to bring your dog to the store if youre dumb

[Samantha Ruddy @samlymatters]

Democrats can’t get a crosswalk installed when they have all three branches, but it took Republicans 6 months to gut the entire US government like it was a Red Lobster.

[Eva 🏳️‍⚧️ ☭ ⚢ @based_eva]

My local representative declining $2,000,000 from the oil lobby after I called him and told him he was being a very bad boy