Jake Lemonade

“We will never rush the hands of time”

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

Harris: 🥥🌴❇️😂

Trump: OBAMNA funded GAY illegals to steal your cybertruck

Vance: *breathes heavily, sips diet Mt. Dew, slowly unzips a duvet cover*

Walz: Burgers are almost done, crank up that Springsteen track

RFK Jr: in 2004 my buddies and I gangbanged the chupacabra

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

NYC bars be like “happy hour all night” brother that just means that’s the price of your drinks all the time

[one dozen rats at a keyboard @PanasonicDX4500]

I spoke to Mitch McConnell for 20 minutes today.

[Rep. Jack Kimble @RepJackKimble]

I spoke to my old friend Mitch McConnell this morning, the senior Senator from Kentucky. He’s still recovering in the hospital. We talked for just shy of 45 minutes. He's so sharp. Just like always he let me do all of the talking. He's a great listener. After that we prayed silently for awhile and had a staring contest. Just like always, he beat me. I told him we want to see him back at work as soon as possible.

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

Mitch McConnell being dead would be a lovely 29th bday present

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

This the kinda weather that make inspirational tik toks feel like they’re kinda hitting

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

Algorithm must’ve known the type of 4th I had cuz I’m getting ads for gyms and churches

[90s WWE @90sWWE]

Your uncle showing up with the good illegal fireworks

[Bags @0xbags]

“it’s called delusional optimism and it basically ensures that I win at life”

[greg @gandalf_thegreg]

george washington when the british had a 13 colony lead

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

Mitch McConnell being announced dead would be the best 250th bday present America could receive

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

If America wins it’s officially called soccer right?

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

We are all Mexican tonight #worldcup

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

there’s something sinister going on in new jersey

[K @iiamkrshn]

connection is key guys.

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

Men’s wear houses feel like a store that would exist in the backrooms

[ol’ stocky ⛳️ @oldstocky]

Become unemployable

[Jake Lemonade @jake_lemonade97]

My roommate drinks lactaid milk with ice in it may have to call the cops on him