Jake Magee

soaking is a false prophet

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

The nicest thing you can do for any man is to tell him his graphic t shirt is awesome

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Each weekend I become Dishyphus

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Turns out hosting a cookout for your diner coworkers where the median age is 45 is an excellent way to validate that you are, in fact, awesome at grilling. Most did not show up, but those who did had nothing but kind words (including one of their moms who came for some reason)

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

They can’t stop you from enjoying a root beer at lunch

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

They should make strava but for buying food when you have food at home instead of for exercise

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Experiencing a wave of peace wash over me as I realize I am extremely hungover and have to wash dishes for the next four hours while listening to the toosie slide in the Pamela’s Shadyside kitchen

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Kitchen guys played no less than 2 hours of r Kelly today. Felt it would be a faux pas to ask cool Lonnie to change it. I’m sorry women

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

What’s crazy about this is she was in highschool musical the musical the show and his mom wrote a nyt bestseller about having an open marriage that the guy wasn’t stoked on, and yet they still found things to talk about

[Olivia Rodrigo Brasil | Fã-site @oliviarodrbr]

Olivia Rodrigo foi vista com o cantor Cameron Winter, em Los Angeles.

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Just watched a father fail and re-attempt a parallel park job in front of his entire family. The world is cruel and cold.

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

What they don’t tell you is getting up at 6:30 on Saturday makes you want to die

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Making moves you can’t comprehend in cities you can’t pronounce (line cook weekend job at a diner in Pittsburgh)

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Got upgraded to southwest economy plus for no discernible reason. Boarding with group 2, have no idea how to act. Feeling like a dog about to get put down.

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

I may be the first 25 year old man to own, and use, a Wet Brush™️

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

If you buy and drink protein soda you should be chemically castrated

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Did the Argus and the kj Justin made fun of how much everyone hated it for what felt like an eternity afterwards

[Reductress @Reductress]

I LIVED IT: My Karaoke Song Alienated Everyone: https://t.co/ZUhZzgW9OR

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Exhilarating developments in the bun technology at Wendy’s

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Mustard has the unique ability to overstay its welcome unlike any of its peers

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

God is testing me on my 32 minute flight from Houston to Austin. European looking soccer guy watching videos no headphones, lady next to me shoes off and in the seat. Sweaty.

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Giving up beer for lent has not only made me the most powerful 25.625 year old alive, but has made me desire beer more profoundly than ever before

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

Making moves you can’t comprehend in cities you can’t pronounce (line cook weekend job at a diner in Pittsburgh)

[Jake Magee @jake_magee_]

They don’t want you to know that leeks are amazing