Jake Muller

Former atmospheric scientist, current data engineer. Atlanta Braves fan, gaming nerd (@MajorBowman_), trivia fiend. He/him.

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Presenting Toothgate: A Wisdom Teeth Removal Documentary

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

I may be unemployed, and I may no longer have health insurance, but at least I just saved 15% or more on car insurance by switching to Geico

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Never have I been so painfully aware of the fact that I've never spent a winter north of Oklahoma City as I was while driving 2.5 hours down a twisting mountain pass road during a blizzard this afternoon

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

@avos5 No it's me whining about DD/MM/YYYY

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

I've accepted that this is the form of excitement I bring to a relationship

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Getting my first big boy work bonus is Charlie Brown and my car making concerning noises the next day is Lucy

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

@Andrew_Of_Moore I've always wondered if they include the past December in Wrapped since they always do it around this time. Maybe they just want to spare us all from our Wrapped being dominated by the 30 days a year Mariah Carey becomes relevant again

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

People who think Christmastime starts right after Thanksgiving are erasing the one day in late November/early December called Spotify Wrapped Season and I will no longer stand for it

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

I've found few things to be more empowering than shopping for pants after losing 50 pounds. Today fitting into 34 slim, tomorrow world domination.

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

@Brigoon

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

same energy

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

this but Jack

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Theory: it is impossible to leave an IKEA without ideas that are either unrealistic for your living space or above your means

[Tennis TV @TennisTV]

The sun sets on a historic career 🌅

From all your fans around the world: THANK YOU, @rogerfederer

❤️ #RForever

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Who wants to go back to school with me

[Dallas Morning News @dallasnews]

A Taylor Swift class is coming to UT Austin https://t.co/t5PgiUp5sH

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Texas summer - when your only choices are vitamin D deficiency and heat stroke

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

Among the many reasons I hate Texas is the fact that I left my apartment solely to go grocery shopping and had to shower when I got home. Somebody please turn off the heat lamp I beg you

[Matt Ford @fordm]

In a solo concurring opinion, Thomas says the court should reconsider rulings that protect contraception, same-sex relationships, and same-sex marriage.

[Lyndon Johnson's Johnson ⚡️ @LBJs_Johnson]

The U.S. Supreme Court made it easier to own a gun, gave cops the ability to not read Miranda Rights, gave religious schools public funding, and overturned Roe v Wade after 50 years of precedence. Welcome to conservative America. Never vote Republican again.

[Jake Muller @jakesaysstuff]

pride month: when i am rudely reminded that people 30 miles from my home actively want me dead

https://t.co/SzXIZKGQ9E