Jimmy ★彡

it's like life's a giant poutine and I'm the biggest curd

[Andy Cohen @Andy]

LET ME HOST THE REUNION! 🇺🇸

[matt bernstein @mattxiv]

this is bye sister for white supremacists

[🤍masterbeef🤍 @newgamertag]

Im gonna keep on dancing at the

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

China is oneshotting us. Total cultural victory

[charlie @chunkbardey]

i kinda love being hungover like waking up and talking to myself like a governor in a disaster zone. We Will Rebuild

[Veles de Vibecamp @keyofgeo]

“I don’t have a dog in this fight” : normal, if grim

“I don’t have a horse in this race” : less common, but meaning obvious

“I don’t have a dog in this race” : subverts expectations; strong imagery

“I don’t have a horse in this fight” : spellbinding, transcendent synthesis

[Ciara Knight @Ciara_Knight]

They should do a Calculator App Wrapped where it shows you the dumbest calculations you did this year. Real moron stuff like 20% off 20, or 1x8, or 6+9

[ACFP (Alicia Carmody Fan Page) @yolanda_parody]

him: are you high?
me: am i what?
him: high
me: hello

[Roc Nation Refugee @Pragmatism14]

Remember to set those clocks back because:

[matt @mttmsmsm]

i think about this sometimes

[optimusprime @earth_to_annaa]

on da cob, we all corn

[drew @hydratedangel]

grabbed edamame from the table and slurped it just to realize there was no bean inside and it had already been ransacked by another person’s tongue

[•ᴗ-.com @evadentz]

me eating the brownie that makes you gay

[Michelle Collins @michcoll]

.@Enterprise this was the only rental they could offer me at LAX wtf

[🐈‍⬛ @Cyb4rAnGeL]

quitting my job to focus on Halloween

[austin @jesuissupreme]

They’re like cocomelon to me. I could watch this for hours and not think a single thought

[rev @revpooch]

love when things are unintentionally profound… the phrase “show me to me” is immediate full body chills