James Bartlett

Sort of a comedian; sort of an actor; definitely a bartender. Follow for unjustified narcissism, awful jokes, and second-hand embarrassment.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

No way did I tell my mate I’d booked a trip to Amsterdam last night and her response was, “Is that in York?”

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

We had our opening night of LAUGH LIKE IT’S THE END OF THE WORLD at The Percy Arms, Newcastle on Friday night and it was a huge success! Thank you very much to everyone who attended, and we’ll be running this night on the last Friday of each month going forward.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Got a drunken phone call from my Mam last night, saying she was lost somewhere in the middle of Washington.

I found her in a bush.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

I really need to utilise social media more, but I just feel like I never have anything interesting to say - I'm simply a lanky streak of piss with a drinking problem, and a habit of referring to himself in third person as 'Jeff'.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Friday May 26th 2023 I’ll be launching a comedy club in Newcastle. Tickets will go on sale for you to come laugh AT me - not WITH me.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

How come there’s people my age who are getting married and having kids now, yet I’m here wanking five times a day with a crippling addiction to weed?👀

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Four years ago since my stand up comedy debut and my divorced parents decided to join forces in encouraging me to sing.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Update: I did it in 1hr50m with a fucked knee. I’m a legend.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Note to self: learn how to drive.

It’s not ideal having to walk 7.8 miles home, after closing a bar, cause I’m too stubborn to spend my entire shift’s earnings on a taxi.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

I need to get back into the comedy scene. My creativity is about as dormant right now as my sex life.

[James Bartlett @jameswbartlett]

Hi 👋

This is my first tweet. Much like a first date, I'm just trying to get it out of the way so we can get to the fun stuff!