Jamie LaMaster

Mood: Lieutenant Dan yelling on top of the sails during the storm.

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

This boy I haven’t talked to in ages texted me yesterday and while usually I’d ignore that type of thing, I was quarantine bored. It was going well he was complimenting me and being cute and I’m you know, desperate for attention.

Do you know that he tried to sell me insurance.

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@SleepToken using auto tune?

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

I never thought I would be 30 years old buying non toxic bacon scented bubbles for my boyfriends bubble obsessed dog but here we are

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

When you email your accountant for a yearly review and he sends “money is guud you arrr guud stahp lewkin” how should you respond? I mean… grow with your financial advisor I get it but also, I love the confidence.

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Is it a true friendship if you don’t send your fav Owen Grey to each other?

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Buying a couch with my boyfriend went a lot like this

Me: “realistically, we need removable covers because we have two dogs”

Bf: “nope not that one…the fabric looks like buttholes”

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@cammiefrench

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@LilNasX @cammiefrench

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

I bought some nice candles and a fancy ice maker. It’s safe to say this is the highest dopamine kick I’ve had in a while

[ᴇʟʟɪᴇᴛʜᴇᴡᴏʀʟᴅ💽 @KawaiiZealot]

HEARTBREAKING: Poor girl has to get out of the soft warm bed even though she is so so so so comfy

[charlie @chunkbardey]

you expect me to get work done ?? in these conditions?? in this world?? where my socks feel weird???

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Leaving bedside to bartend is one of the craziest things I’ve ever done. Just last month a patient was beating the living shit out of me and today I served a guy two cheap beers and he tipped me 100$.

[dizzy @rundizzy]

damn shawty that seems indicative of a much larger issue

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Can’t wait for Spotify unwrapped to tell me how manic I was this year

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@Furrdue If you still had your chest bowl, you wouldn’t need a push up bra. It was a built in breast enhancer

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

I posted a picture to Snapchat of my roommate using my dogs head as a footrest while she sleeps. Someone tell me why this bitch confronted me asking “why are you posting pictures of my feet on the internet for free” 😂

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

One roommate is at work and the other is in Europe. I’ve been left at home. Alone. With my thoughts. And I’m about to make it Ericas problem when she gets home. 🙃

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@ericaaa_renee White cheddar my guy

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Both of my roommates are going to travel around a bit here in a few weeks and you bet your ass I’m having business cards delivered to hand out to cute single men. I’m putting my money on Mindy in Scotland to find a good one for me

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

@bluepantheress @ericaaa_renee

[Jamie LaMaster @jamielamaster4]

Fantasy football team name picked out. Not sure how it’ll slide with the coworkers but C’est la vie ya know