I hate the fact that I require so much reassurance, like things could be going perfectly fine but there's always a part of me that believes that it's all a lie.
I want anniversaries . I want someone to look at me and can’t imagine life without me. I want unconditional love. I want healthy communication. I want the fireworks that never die. Butterflies even after we’re months/years in. I want year(s) with someone.
When I was younger, I thought “butterflies” meant a good thing when I met someone.
Now, I know it’s my internal compass guiding me away from them.
I look for calmness, peace, steadiness.
Cause that’s how I want to feel. I don’t want to feel crazy, confused or on edge.