Janet Star

I’m friends with Sinbad, so.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@realDonaldTrump Change ya name to Felicia, cause BYE

[Janet Star @janetals_]

I just started crying because my boyfriend told me @sinbadbad had died. Thanks Alexa for clearing up that misinformation and my tears. Btw Sinbad you were the best thing in Jingle All the Way because you really did jingle all the way. Love you and so glad you’re alive.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@lmillernpr The words you assembled within the covers of Why Fish Don’t Exist made me laugh, cry and they, at times, punched me in the gut. I am recommending to anyone who will listen. You’ve made me feel better about my own existence and that what I do does freaking matter! TY!

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Have y’all ever thought about how when you’re drinking from a solo cup the ridges form the liquid into the shape of a dick inserting itself into your mouth?

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Me trying to be supportive to all my friends with kids: “I don’t know how y’all do it! I hate pushing things. I will go get heavy shit at the grocery store with a hand basket. I could never push a stroller full time.”

[Janet Star @janetals_]

All I wanna do is drink tequila and touch people.

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@freakymf @jim_newell @askjillian Absolutely they would have.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Ted Cruz lookin as stupid as he sounds.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@HocusBrocus

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I left my house without a mask like it’s 2019.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@dionnewarwick Your Twitter gives me LIFE.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Ah yes the year 2020 where it became acceptable and preferred to dress like this inside of a bank. https://t.co/UsfiIcLXx4

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Me: I’m gonna be 37 next month, so weird. BF: I’ll be turning 36. Me: Good. Then you’ll know how I felt all fucking year. 🤣

[Janet Star @janetals_]

Just posted a photo https://t.co/8iupSWRbov

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@jillianbell Just watched Godmother! You were a delight! I loved it and I loved, loved that a man wasn’t involved in that happy ending. I laughed and cried. Merry Xmas!

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@NatDogN WUT?!😁🥳

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Eventually you’re just stuck in your small apt with your other for so long that “I love you” begins to mean “I tolerate you.”

[Janet Star @janetals_]

I am able to get the vaccine via UAMS today and I am so excited! Suck it, Pence.

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My cat was being eerily nice to me and I accepted it to be that she do in fact love me. FOOL. Her food bowl is full now.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

@feliciacash18 It’s a UAMS ticket. They want more of my money.

[Janet Star @janetals_]

I got a parking ticket and then a notice about my parking ticket and I really want to put my address as 123 Suck My Butt Ave.