Jared

sponsored by Captain Morgan

[Jared @jaredleebarton]

I tested positive for missing Hokie House

[Really American 🇺🇸 @ReallyAmerican1]

BREAKING: A sweaty, agitated Trump screams random buzz words and phrases in under a minute, while a stunned Georgia crowd listens in almost complete awkward silence.

Trump is severely unwell.

[illegally blond 🇵🇭🇵🇸 @kcdanger]

personally, I would have made it home sooner

[Seth Rorabaugh @SethRorabaugh]

Mike Tomlin will say something like, "We can't eat soup with forks. We need spoons." Then the Steelers will sign a 2018 Pro Bowler to the practice squad.

[Kelsey Surmacz @kelsey_surmacz4]

They're not rookies who scored 50-plus goals (Ovi) and 100-plus points (both) and were immediate superstars.

Not taking anything away from Celebrini or Bedard, but let's pump the brakes. People forget how great Ovi and Sid were immediately upon arrival. That just doesn't happen.

[Assal Rad @AssalRad]

We have reached the point where Israel shooting at a clearly marked Doctors Without Borders vehicle—to prevent the delivery of WATER—is not even a news story.

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

canceled research into one of the most promising cancer treatments in history but thinks heroin is good for you

[Brando @GladysDaycare]

Damn Hulk I wish you were still with us, I sure would love to hangout again my brother love u miss u BM

[Acyn @Acyn]

Trump: They went skedaddle. Do you know the word skedaddle? It means skedaddle.

[EllyButt 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🇺🇦🇪🇺 @WotBuwcheeks]

Huh? We dont care if people are gay in Europe.

[AntifaPuddin’Pop @Andie00471]

Oh looky looky, the Big Beautiful Bill retains taxes on tips, overtime AND social security. Y'all got scammed. Again.

[Jesse D. Jenkins @JesseJenkins]

The new Senate draft raises taxes on all wind and solar projects that haven't begun construction today unless they are placed service by end of 2027 and navigate complex, likely unworkable requirements to prove they don't use a drop of Chinese materials. After that, this bill ADDS A NEW tax on wind and solar projects that can't prove the same.

[Shane Bacon @shanebacon]

I know Oakmont is hard, but I wish they’d make it even harder. No flagsticks and no pin sheets, you just have to guess where the hole is. Wolverines hanging out in the greenside bunkers. Jean Ralphio standing on the 8th tee yelling “FLUSHHHHEDDDDD” in players backswings.

[Jared @jaredleebarton]

@ricericebabyyy_ As a guy this is always my answer for guilty pleasure album, and I don’t feel any guilt

[Grant Certiorari @GrantCertiorari]

BREAKING: I have obtained DEFINITIVE PHOTO EVIDENCE that Donald Trump himself is MS-13

[mama(to-be) strawberry 🍼🍓 @honeybunwife]

this + doordash food from someplace local + watching a mediocre movie from 2011 on cable

[Rob Gucci @heatdaddy69420]

The stock market is absolutely crashing on a Friday as if it’s gonna stop us from having fun. Whatever. Tariff this, tariff that, what time does hooters open let’s just go there and get trashed who’s with me