Jared Burgess

professional drifter

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

@koreykuhl found that satellite image you were looking for #picoritdidnthappen

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

just realized the "ansari" that is cited in my text book for his research is really @azizansari - I'm studying a comedian for school.

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

@fortunefunny I'm proud to be called a woman on a regular basis, even though I'm a man ✊ #ImWithHer

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Thank you @Starbucks for continuing to provide private bathrooms for gays to douche in on the way to spontaneous booty calls! #keepitclean

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Didn't @kanyewest say he was going to run in 2016? The primaries aren't over yet! #Decision2016 #westswift2016

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

❤️ @RISKshow h8 Kevins voice. Another piece of advice 4 u-maybe stop telling such honest stories and start censoring it all #talklouderkevin

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

"Report: Nobody Fucking Cares". https://t.co/KSeWcjONeD via @theonion.

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

It's officially sweat-running-down-my-back season!!! Time to start arching my back in the car 😅💦

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Trying to remember all the big words I know so I can sound intelligent is really really onerous. #fakingmyeducation

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Sometimes when u hate yourself, you'll pick yourself apart & criticize all the horrible things u do. Sometimes you'll project it onto others

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Oh! And in the spirit of being honest! #ihavenofollowers 😂 lol #hidingmydiaryinplainsight

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Back on Twitter! Trying not to filter or embellish this time. Just want to be honest for once. Wish me luck! #socialsabotage #riskshow

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

@LavalleAna so it isn't cool? #chechyouregramma

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Legally, can I shit out the side of your car while you're driving? #conversationsfromlastnight

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

"It's-better to see someone who's pushing the envelope-It's easier to pull back than to push forward"- @fashiontechguru quoting @ninagarcia

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Thanks @afpod and @BoF for the #careertherapy session. Listening to you all keeps me sane 😌✌️

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Houston: 4th largest US city, most diverse, & huge sex trafficking port. But the #1 problem to candidates r the shitty roads #houdecide #htx

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

Would you rather be a dumb witch or a fun bitch? #pyschobabble from @tyleroakley and @koreykuhl

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

#alliwantforchristmas is @BetteMidler 's teeth from #HocusPocus wAhahahaha! 💃

[Jared Burgess @jaredsheadspace]

My mouthwash leaked in my suitcase all over my clothes: definition of "looking fresh"