Jasmin Williams

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

I'm cutting back on carbs.

~my suicide note.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

I'll love you, but just for tonight.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

A high speed chase but it's me trying to hold on to some of my money 2 hours into payday.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

You mustn't use your gifs for evil.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

*Buys you a luggage rack for all your emotional baggage*

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

The cops just shut down the tunnel between my house and the Dunkin' Donuts. Seized 50 kilos in sugar glaze. I'm on the run.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

My internet friends could beat up your internet friends.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

Sub/Dom XXX accounts that tweet cute baby animal pics are why I have trust issues.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

Suffering? Don't tell me about suffering. I've had a NyQuil LiquiCap stuck halfway down my esophagus for the last 5 minutes.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

I love carbs so much, I'd let them look through my phone.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

Pasta so good, I don't care what it does when I'm not around.

[That Girl @myonlymizztake]

Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.

[Chris P Bacon @gitson_shiggles]

No, you absolutely can NOT put it in the microwave for 30 seconds & do THAT to it.

Jeez Uncle Barry, it's a ham roll, you sick bastard.....

[Chris P Bacon @gitson_shiggles]

When autocorrect changes "pet peeve" to "pet perv" and you suddenly check your own bio for a relationship status update.....

[Chris P Bacon @gitson_shiggles]

I can't help but wonder, if Elvis had been in his musical prime today would the song have been called "Love Me, Tinder"....?

[Chris P Bacon @gitson_shiggles]

In the pub earlier talking to a lady who, tho pretty, had a fair bit of peach fuzz & a v. long neck.

I didnt crack one llama joke. Not one.

[Chris P Bacon @gitson_shiggles]

Hung. (Over.)

[Jasmin Williams @Jasmin_Tatts]

@BuffyMaddingly Thank you so much like I said it was fun.

[korpisworld @kwkorpi]

I’m not of the high and supreme moral fabric you think I am.  

I’m more sublemon than sublime.