Jay Brannan

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

travelin soldier (the chicks)
full song: https://t.co/Oh6L5P12DR

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Just logged on to say there really is nothing better on earth than women’s olympic gymnastics. Have loved it since Barcelona in 1992, will love it forever. ❤️‍🔥 #Olympics

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

And literally stop asking it every time anyone succeeds at anything ever.

[Simone Biles @Simone_Biles]

you guys really gotta stop asking athletes what’s next after they win a medal at the Olympics

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

https://t.co/VfU0Q8Zy14

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Sinéad was a legend!! An earth-shattering voice, both musically and otherwise. Thank you Sinéad for your music and your courage.

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

i miss the days when we could do an activity without constantly being blocked by people filming themselves pretending to do that activity for social media

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Y’all this tiny sad burger from mcdonalds was $8. Just the burger. $8. Before tax. Is it April fools?

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Fedex, literally every time, informs me simultaneously that (a) my package is arriving early - today in fact! - and (b) my package also just arrived at a location very, very far away from me. FEDEX, IT CAN'T BE BOTH IT IS NEVER BOTH

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

am i the only person who finds it disturbing that class action settlement notifications cannot at all be differentiated from random phishing emails?

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

The amount of people who have podcasts & constantly bump the mic (like, physically) is really starting to get to me

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Every time a podcaster pronounces it “furmiliar” instead of “familiar”, a fairy loses its wings. And y’all have literally de-winged all the fairies. Stop saying it like that

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

reading prince harry's book & the most shocking unsettling part of it all that i will never get over or forget...WHY DO THEY CALL TJ Maxx "TK Maxx"??? TK?? --- WHY IS IT "TK" THERE INSTEAD OF TJ???

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

and then it hit me: COVID, inflation, affordability crisis, disappearing middle class, drought, fires, flooding, climate change...what if this is all just the universe getting back at us for wearing JNCOs

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

if i'm reading a book and the character talks about "the cream tea we ate", is this a british thing, or is the author revealing to me this character is on drugs/incoherent/thinks you eat beverages?

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

When u get an erroneous medical bill (USA)
Insurance: You have to call the lab
Lab: You have to call the doctor
Doctor: You have to call the billing dept
Billing: You have to speak to a specialist
Specialist: You have to call the Lab
Lab: No
Me: [dies of old age before resolving]

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

Hulu: watch “Titanic: 25 Years Later”!

Me: omg I’m a million

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

--Me: How can I make garlic bread without an oven?
--ChatGPT: Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.
**(j/k this is just me doing comedy)

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

uhFIIEEEEV HUNDRED TWENNNY FIEEEV THOWSUND SIX HUNNNNNDRIDD MINNNNIIIITTS

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

this anti-fees rant is so making up for all the word slurring ❤️

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

it's still considered fasting if you only had popcorn, correct?

[Jay Brannan @jaybrannan]

The phlebotomist drew my blood today without saying a word to me while she was on a bluetooth call. Like a taxi driver. Why is American healthcare such a horror movie