jay michael 🇺🇸

🫩life is hard, harder if you're me - I don't know much about anything but I'll convince you I'm right about nothing - Humor is golden, have some or move on

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

I Should Have Known Better But Got Distracted. A humorous, true and uninspiring story of what can go wrong when you least 'inspect' it.

https://t.co/lRSCuxIb1H via @jaymo7951

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@Daytobehappy Well, let's hear them, "Death to America" now 😅

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

How do you say "goodbye" to an abusive person you are actively in a relationship with? I need to know what to say to X because X and its shitty algorithm is currently like being in an abusive relationship and I'm tired of it.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@TheMarcitect Fewer people = less carbon footprints

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@MarioNawfal No, it is fine. It needs to happen to finally cull the weak. They inherited the Earth now it's time for them to give it back

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@Donutsandwich1 Look, I'm retarded so, the last thing I need is for this world to start throwing more retarded shit at me like it's going to cancel out my retard. Nah, that's not how it works. It actually makes me exponentially more retarded.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@catturd2 Twice a year my wife asks me to explain how the time change will effect her the next day, "So tomorrow, the time will be one hour different than what the time is now? So if I have an 8 o' clock appointment and I don't change my clocks am I going to be early or late?"

Me: "Yes!"

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@CNN CNN admits Trump's policies are working. How big of you.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@OliLondonTV Which is which, I can't tell 🫩

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@RyanAFournier 'Merica! 👈😉👉🇺🇸
There's nothing accidental about being an idiot, it takes effort. Maximum effort, maximum payback.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

Things that keep me up all night:

If I went back in time
My present would be my past
My past would be my present
My past would be my future
My future would be my past

And now I can't unthink it 🫩

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

Got my new coloring book today. If I can keep myself from eating all the crayons I can get to coloring.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@HD_Sean Yeah, the jeans

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@cwchris_ 5'6-1/4" on a good day. Yes that 1/4" is very important 😅

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@KylerofthePNW I love the dramatic change in daylight, both in fall and spring but fuck! I have 30 clocks in my house, I run around and set them ALL for the same time so they're ALL a minute off from each other and there's a thirty minute time change from one side of my house to the other 🙄

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@FoxNews 🤔 pretty sure he indicated that by the end of this year Americans won't need a visa to go to Cuba. Cuba's high command is living in a bunker starting yesterday.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@FoxNews He was likely looking for advice on what to do to avoid getting all blown up

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

Hey guys! I did my own taxes last night and I realized:

1) Trump is the greatest President of all time!

OR

2) I'm going to prison

OR, OR

3) Very likely, BOTH

If this is the last you hear from me, I'll be busy picking soap up off the shower floor.

[jay michael 🇺🇸 @jaymo7951]

@rickydigital And now I'm a big fan of whatever that sport is