John Egnatios-Beene

The one and only

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

@mnolangray Sorry, this plan would totally change the neighborhood. There’s no parking and traffic is already horrendous.

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

“…the chatty, piercing podcast…”@Remember_Sarah
I guess now you’re big time!

[I Smoked The Clippers @BlackKnight10k]

If you think slapping another man in the face on tv is outrageous behavior, wait until I tell you about the people who tried to overthrow the government.

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

@danielleweisber Preschool you needs a Poochie rewatch! Congratulations on the new gig.

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

@danielleweisber In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones. I mean, are we to believe, that this is a magic xylophone, or something? I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Wes Anderson Announces Next Film Will Be Love Letter To Academy Of Motion Picture Arts And Sciences https://t.co/2ziWdkO9DK

[Kenny Mayne @Kenny_Mayne]

There is a decent chance people “who will be judged by history” don’t care.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Smoke Alarm Sick Of Being Yelled At For Doing Its Job https://t.co/stzxF5wR4l

[karl hess @karlhess]

can’t believe wearing masks when we walked in and then taking them off when we sat down didn’t work

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

Best. Episode. Ever.

[On This Day in Simpsons History 🇺🇦 @dailysimpsons]

#OnThisDay #OTD #25YearsAgo December 1, 1996, "A Milhouse Divided" (S08E06) first aired on the Fox network. Dir: Steven Dean Moore. Wr: Steve Tompkins. EP: @thatbilloakley & @Joshstrangehill. #TheSimpsons

[Nyadol (nyadolnyuon on Threads) Nyuon OAM @NyadolNyuon]

How you eat apples when you don’t pay the bills.

[Hend Amry @LibyaLiberty]

They came for Big Bird and I said nothing.

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

@minakimes I love football and we’re lucky to have you but I feel like your cleverness may be wasted on football!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Man Who Didn’t Order Anything Online Still Checks Name On Package Just In Case Amazon Sent Him A Little Present https://t.co/qY13ByA87j

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Bird Reflects On Frailty, Impermanence Of Life After Finding Dead Human On Sidewalk https://t.co/p9HpTxykuy

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Andrew Yang Developing New Fourth Party After Failing To Gain Support With Third Party https://t.co/nAzXl3CFAO

[John Egnatios-Beene @jbeb10]

@danielleweisber You are extremely funny. SNL should hire you. This is a sincere tweet!

[The Onion @TheOnion]

God Loses Pouch Filled With Crystals That Give Him Powers https://t.co/fYjZ3Q2XXf

[The Onion @TheOnion]

Adam Schefter Waiting On Final Edits From NFL Before Issuing Apology https://t.co/c6rmK6APON

[Ashley Feinberg (ashleyfeinberg.bsky.social) @ashleyfeinberg]

we need to know precisely how swollen the balls were though