John Conecker

Stay-at-home(-all-the-time) dad in DC. Once upon a time, I did/taught math for a living. Yes to astronomy, plants, crosswords.

[John Conecker @JConecker]

Hey @Lowes, it's been 26 days since our Diamond Cabinets ripped apart and fell off the wall, breaking almost all our dishes and nearly injuring me badly. Wife has been struggling to get you to respond. Customer support dragging its heels. No fix in sight. Is this what you do?

[John Conecker @JConecker]

Hey @RCNconnects, internet and landline phone has been out for 2 days. 1st avail tech appt in *6 DAYS*? Spent an hour in hold to talk to tech support, then cut off? Seriously?

[tubi ad break @hellohappy_time]

Girls Just Want To Have Fun And Also Have Their Dads Understand Systemic Racism

[Boyd's Backyard™ @TheBoydP]

All I’m saying is twitter is a good place for people who don’t like to meet people to meet other people who don’t like to meet people.

[♥mark magark♥ @markedly]

ME: Hi mirror

BEDROOM MIRROR: Hello you flawless hunk

ME: Hi mirror

BATHROOM MIRROR: well if it isn't the hideous troll of Blemishville

[young bun @eminmien]

AMULET: Touch me, and be cursed for eternity!!

ME: [picks it up] I feel fine.

AMULET: uh, I'm trying but- I can't make ur life any worse.

[young bun @eminmien]

"Looks like this is goodbye" I say dramatically as the elevator doors close. They bounce open when my banana costume catches in the doorway.

[young bun @eminmien]

WAITRESS: Let me clear this up for you.

ME: Thanks.

WAITRESS: [to my date] He's not ready for anything serious right now.

[young bun @eminmien]

"Faster!" I yell, dropping into the bank from the open skylight.

"I'm trying!" Shouts my grandma from above, furiously knitting more cable.

[Clark Springheel @ClarkSpringheel]

*Arrives at the barbers*

"I'd like some highlights please"

*Barber puts on video of old haircuts*

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

A group of guys that get together and play board games are called Hasbros.

[Lindsay @Rollinintheseat]

"So, is there a Gal Fieri?"-woman flirting with Guy Fieri

[Erren Michaels 🐇🌹🌱📚📖🐰 @ErrenMichaels]

*narrows my eyes at you suspiciously*
*keeps narrowing them*
*closes them entirely*
[naps]

[Erren Michaels 🐇🌹🌱📚📖🐰 @ErrenMichaels]

Good grief, did you see that, Hans? A time traveller just appeared, shot Adolf and left again. I mean I know his paintings are shit but WTF

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

just heard a man yell “NOT TODAY, JASON” at his dog

[Megan Amram @meganamram]

Jared Kushner's only going to get into jail because he's a legacy

[John Conecker @JConecker]

@xanderfaber And can we agree that IUTT is the worst name for a thing ever? Term sounds like concocted by a screenwriter for a bad episode of Numb3rs

[John Conecker @JConecker]

@xanderfaber Ugh, new terminology. That alone makes me hope the proof is flawed. :)

[John Conecker @JConecker]

@xanderfaber Thx. I saw the word "dynamical" and decided to ask instead of try to slog through myself. Hopefully it's double spaced with a large font.

[John Conecker @JConecker]

Hey @xanderfaber, heard of a claimed Lehmer's Problem pf by Verger-Gaugry. I'm out of the loop. Any consensus on whether it's valid?