Jefe Burdeño

A socially anxious manifesto. DT=Drunk tweet. ST=Shit tweet.

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Me entering my calories into weight loss app: 1 cup white rice. 1/2 cup stir fry. 40 Cheez-its
APP: That’s too many Cheez-its
ME: Stop I know

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Please refute @StephenAtHome please please

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

So Revealing!

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Remember that commercial where the dude calls a phone sex line thinking about a candy bar? Kind of weird.

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Anyone with a gap in their teeth should not be on tv.

[The Hour Pod with Jason and Jeff @thehourpod]

Ok, it wasn’t as bad as we thought. Episode 16 - Worst. Episode. Ever. https://t.co/XpB4VWA6YD

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

People who flush when they poop-fart: we know what you’re doing in there. Do you think we don’t know?

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Rough day for some. Unwind with a nice relaxing podcast. https://t.co/l3wX2XNksQ

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Singing along to If You’re Not the One by Daniel Bedingfield, thinking about nacho fries, hitting all the high notes

[The Hour Pod with Jason and Jeff @thehourpod]

My face hurts: It's episode 10! Podbean: https://t.co/z7A5RMNUHL
iTunes: https://t.co/TEPdBJfAV4

[Alanis Morissette @Alanis]

i feel so seen. 😂😂🤣🤣🤣

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Me at 20: Old people are so cranky.
Me at 35: Why the fuck are shoes so bad

[Ben Wikler @benwikler]

Remember: if Trump pardons Manafort, that triggers the nationwide protests prepared at https://t.co/ILB6eE4oGH.

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

For your listening pleasure, a 57 minute podcast.

[The Hour Pod with Jason and Jeff @thehourpod]

omg a girl. podbean:https://t.co/K6fuUowEya
iTunes: https://t.co/KYTjyzcv80

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Being a parent in 2018:
Kid: There’s a fly in the car!
Me: That’s ok, we can open a window and he’ll fly out. Or she. I don’t want to assume.

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

People draw stuff and take a picture of it and put the pens in the picture too and I’m like “oh they did that with a pen, wow”

[Stephen Colbert @StephenAtHome]

The Trump administration diverted $10 million from FEMA to ICE. So if you need hurricane assistance, just go to Mexico, cross the U.S. border, then ICE will provide you transportation and lodging.

[Charlene deGuzman @charstarlene]

Huge thanks to this guy for checking in with his dad who is a manager at Taco Bell about the nacho fries

[Jefe Burdeño @JefeBurdeno]

Oof.