jeffruffatto

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[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Going to the dentist after a piano falls on my head and my teeth are replaced with piano keys

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

I’ve spent 33 years of my life blaming everyone else for my own problems. You know what? Here’s to 33 more! 🥂

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

I remember one time I went all the way back to a grocery store because I threw a plastic bag in the garbage instead of the recycling. I had to go fix it. Now, I don’t give a shit about anything at all. What happened? Is that just growing up or is it a “me” problem?

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Jeans are the cast iron skillets of pants.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Literally every time I go to @HomeDepot I get attacked by muskrats.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

The lamp always turns on on the third direction you try turning the knob.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

New Mandela effect just dropped! My uncle thought my name was Jack

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

@MrBeast 100% yes.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Knock Knock ✊
Who’s there?
Owl
Owl whoooo (😂)
Owln’t you glad I didn’t say banana 🍌?

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

My neighbor Jerry rigged the jerry-rigging competition and still lost 🤦‍♂️

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

#lipton Bisque

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

@Lipton Bisque

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Just found out that oyster crackers aren’t made out of dried oyster meat, they’re made out of WHEAT. I think I’m going to PUKE 🤮

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Still don’t know if I’m a hat guy or not. 😞

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

@Nicolascole77 Ohhhhh, okay!

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

@ShaanVP

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

Somewhere right now a youth pastor is getting way too competitive in a pickup game of basketball with his high school students and it’s very uncomfortable for everyone involved.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

That’s a great Down you’ve got there. Would be a shame if there were a whole system of it.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

I just heard some horrible news about our beloved Humpty Dumpty.

[jeffruffatto @jeffreyruffatto]

It’s always unnerving seeing a basketball but no hoop. Why the hell is this thing here