Jeff Howard

I'm a dad, I sell houses, and I really like sneakers.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

@Cselvey3 It’s time. Hate to admit it.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

But if you haven’t watched #BirdBox then what in the world are you going to talk about when you go back to work on Wednesday?

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

Hey guys,
If you love getting into the shower and finding random globs of hair stuck to the wall then boy, oh boy, are you going to love being married.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

Me before kids, “Absolutely disgusting. I cannot believe they don’t give their kid a bath everyday.”

Me now, “They smell bad? Or like bad bad?”

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

@sam_meeks @JHunterSample You all really need to get your kids under control.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

I would have no hesitation buying an album full of nothing but Kid Cudi humming over a dope beat.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

*Post Malone comes on the radio*

“Daddy, I can tell the person singing has brown skin.”

“Actually he doesn’t, but what makes you say that?”

“Their music is just usually a little better.”

🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

Convo I just overheard between a woman and man at a restaurant bar:

“When is the baseball season over?”

“I think after they play the World Series.”

Touché, good sir.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

PSA: not all of us are “hat people”.

If you are in doubt, ask someone you trust and give them permission to speak the truth in love.

You’re welcome in advance.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

“Daddy, I went to the dentist today and I had to get a filling.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Nope! He put this mask on my nose and it gave me special air. I just laid there and dreamed about bubble gum until he was finished.”

#gabbygotthegas

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

Parents of a 2 yr old, “Let’s call it ‘the terrible 2s’, these tantrums couldn’t possibly get any worse.”

3 yr olds, “hold my beer, I’mma show you tantrum.”

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

*finally goes through that drawer of old T-shirts*

“Today is the day I finally get rid of a bunch of these old things!”

Today was, in fact, NOT the day he would finally get rid of a bunch of those old things.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

“There is a teacher at my school named Mrs Butler. I know I shouldn’t laugh, but I can’t help it sometimes. Saying ‘butt’ is just funny to me.”
-Gabby

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

“I’ll be there in 10.”

-Me, approximately 22 minutes away

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

Hey,
I want to apologize for clicking on your live video.

I can assure you that it was not on purpose.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

“What do you girls want to listen to?” - Me

“Nothing but the blood?” - Norah (3)

“He doesn’t have hymns on his phone. Mom says he only listens to garbage. How about some Lady Gaga?” - Gabby (6)

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

The foundation of any healthy relationship is tagging one another in semi-inappropriate memes.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

@HannahNall @CBSThisMorning I wish. $700 a pair.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

In case you were curious as to whether or not you could wash Apple AirPods with your gym clothes, I would strongly discourage it.

[Jeff Howard @jeffrohoward]

@Cdwinsto I bet you do put out