Victoria

Guys please I had an itch inside of my nose

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Imagine being named Justin Case and not becoming an understudy

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Pelvis Breastley

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Hey sorry to interrupt but is anyone here going to Scarborough fair

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

I didn't change my guitar strings, they changed me

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Coming to the bar straight from the DMV seeing if they'll accept my W2 as ID

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

This is the thanks I get for explaining to the wife that Kroger keeps Tajin in the spice aisle and not next to the margarita salt

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

As soon as the clock struck five I turned to the older couple next to me at the bar and said "well folks it's 5oclock somewhere, and that place is here." Then I held up my beer for a cheers and they got up and left without saying another word

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Currently enjoying a beautiful black and white photograph of a sunset

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Someone tell my brother that it's common etiquete to inform me if he puts me on speaker so my mom can hear *before* I start going on about my weed guy's softcore business that he tried to solicit me for

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the evidence in this case is entirely circumcisional

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

@KevinRobertsTX @JDVance Best VP ever !!! Finally after 249 years we found him

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

These are the only Twitter notifs I've gotten in the last 2 yrs hm

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

If I ever see the capitol one bank guy I'm going to kill him

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

It's called chemical dependency

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Real potheads have known about this for years

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Telling your obgyn about your new job while she's elbow deep in your cervix is so jarring

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

This is how my nail looks after I take the gel off

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

at the hospital asking pregnant women to hold their babies in until my birthday is over

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

@tommyedmunds dinosaur kid crossover

[Victoria @jeffsuckley]

Tapping into my adolescent special interest and studying the wikipedias of every single shark breed