Teak

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

I'm developing a new strain of anti-vaxxer that is even more immune to reality.

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

If I had wanted people to wear masks, I would have made them with the ability to manufacture and wear masks, which I did.

[Teak @jefstac]

@ginamorresi @Rojowo @chuckwoolery Let’s see it in black and white.

[Teak @jefstac]

@eugenegu You’re making connections where there’s no connection to be made. If you’re getting attacked it might be related to the idiotic shit you say.

[Teak @jefstac]

@eugenegu @realDonaldTrump Get over it, it came from China, making it Chinese. Go bawl your eyes out elsewhere- like China.

[Jade @jjflaherty12]

My little sister just found out she has a little sister!!! We’re all adopted from China. @23andMe helped them find each other! They would love to meet in person @TheEllenShow! It’s not every day you find out you have a sister, from across the world, growing up across the country!

[Teak @jefstac]

I found a new #Cowboys coach! @michaelirvin88 #driven #CowboysNation #NFL

[Teak @jefstac]

@dangie_1 this is SO TRUE! You’re a charger hog.

[Teak @jefstac]

@dangie_1 I know a thing or 2 about narcissists too.

[Rick Wilson @TheRickWilson]

"Is Diet Pepsi ok?"

Me: "Instead of a Pepsi product, could you strain some yak vomit through cheesecloth, then mix in some battery acid with burned hobo dander, and run it through the engine block of a 1964 Soviet K-700 tractor?"

[Teak @jefstac]

@dangie_1 Right!? Can they please stop playing it? I’m injured and fragile. (Pronounced fraaaageeeeleee)

[Teak @jefstac]

Tweet worthy ignorance from the news today. “Is the person sending these bombs a terrorist, or are they just trying to scare us?”

[Plex. @laz1023]

There are roughly 40 million kangaroos worldwide and there are 8 million people in Ohio so if there was an instance that kangaroos invaded Ohio each individual would have to fight off a minimum of 5 kangaroos and idk if we could do it

[Teak @jefstac]

Have you ever thanked God you weren’t someone else? After watching #MakingAMurderer I’m sure glad I’m not 1. The killer, 2. #KenKratz and 3. The slime balls working in #MANITOWOC who covered all of this up. #ZellnerLaw just reigned down on your world.

[Teak @jefstac]

PSA- your timeline is your highlight reel, we’re really only interested in your happy parts. 🙌🏻 #stopthedrama #everythought #isntneeded

[Teak @jefstac]

@dangie_1 @JordanCWDavis I’m on the way! Hold that country star still!!!

[Teak @jefstac]

@xdrx85 Adulting sucks ass

[Dan McKenzie @DanMcK64]

If you're in the IL. Valley in July this may provide a guffaw or ten. Tickets for Mel Brooks' "The Producers" go on sale tonight at midnight: https://t.co/GuxyfNP5GL

[Teak @jefstac]

I don’t need a permission slip. https://t.co/TeuEFl3qNb