jess arita!

unfinished scenes

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

we are in the process of cutting down our christmas card list and i swear if you send me anything with glitter in it, not only will you never receive a card from me again but also this friendship is over

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Roommates: “What if we sit around and talk about our feelings?”

@steveoarita: “Only if it involves slander.”

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

“I feel better about Lana’s safety going to a drag queen brunch than school.” @steveoarita

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

caught myself yelling, “SHOW US YOUR TAIL” at whales in Depoe Bay the way I imagine one would demand at a strip club

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

I think @venmo has two solid purposes: 1) sending and charging money 2) reminding me of random people’s phone numbers I should delete in my phone, like whose transactions are these and why do I have to see your rent emojis

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

I know some adults are into shower beers but have you ever considered BATH POPSICLES? I’m currently staying with a 3-year-old for whom it is a norm to get scrubbed in hot water while eating a popsicle and it is pure genius.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Our household deciding on AYCE KBBQ.
Roommate: “it does line up with my shower schedule.”
Me: “ME TOO”
Roommate: “LETS DO IT”

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Picasso had his Blue period maybe I’m stepping into my Neutral period

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

There’s books like War & Peace and Pride & Prejudice and I think my book would be entitled “Nuances & Neutralities.” Stay tuned

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

When I’m really tired I go to set my alarm and punch buttons confusedly until I realize I’ve been typing into the calculator app.
And then I think something very elder-millennial of me, like of those good old days when we used alarm clocks.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Another year, another me ranking friendships depending on how much glitter falls out of their cards

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

My Christmas elf, Steven: “They should make it a law that if you have bay windows, you have to put a Christmas tree in it.”

Me, a grinch: “no.”

Steven: “these are opportunities.”

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Another Christmas season, another year of “WHY IS THIS JESUS SO WHITE” at nativity scenes.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

I NEED A @TIKTOK FILTER THAT BLOCKS ALL CHRISTMAS MUSIC ESPECIALLY MARIAH CAREY UNTIL DECEMBER 1

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Me: did you notice the memory foam pad? Was it helpful on your knees while cooking?
Roommate: oh… I am not really aware of my knees while cooking
Me: TELL ME YOU’RE UNDER 35 WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU’RE UNDER 35

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

I can’t wait until @Gladwell writes about life and the systems our collective choices create during the pandemic, PARTICULARLY about whether or not we are all going to have a good day depending on whether or not the pug has bones. @jongraz I need research on Noodle and TikTok.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Collaborative information for the greater good is INSANELY BEAUTIFUL and the most hopeful thing right now.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

There’s many interesting things to come out of the #PandoraPapers, buts let’s be real—no one is surprised that there are selfish people doing selfish things. What IS surprising and delightful is that 600+ journalists from 150 media outlets joined together to leak this.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

So anyway, maybe @clear is worth it but I won’t find out. I’m cancelling it ASAP and I am shocked by the manipulation of their agents to present themselves as @TSA or @flySFO agents.

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

I was in a crowded TSA precheck line in SFO airport and agent caught my eye and told me they would help me skip the line since my flight was soon. They made me sign up for @clear or get back into the line they had pulled me from— now even longer. It was a really deceptive process

[jess arita! @jeiamong]

Maybe I’m stupid— I didn’t have time to react fast enough and was flustered about getting to my flight, but I was completely taken advantage of. I’ve had TSA help me move ahead before so didn’t think much of it.