Steven Heidstrom

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

The Crush Of Love Intro by jemstar555 http://t.co/zCvExtSX8R

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/kvSnO1bR8I I never drop names but I frequently drop babies.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

FACT: If you don't own a suit, you get to stay in your twenties forever. http://t.co/7A5KxjeBKQ

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/YjDNSy6ts0 Even deaf people want to fuck punch the Salvation Army bell ringing brigade.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

QUICK! HOW MANY BABY CARROTS CAN A GUY SHOVE UP HIS BUTT BEFORE HE... 12. http://t.co/99SMxgHgHV

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

I cut butter with a regular knife and now it won't stop crying like a little bitch. http://t.co/YoqyX5pX3V

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/UHd9zRISHF Ran out of Manila envelops. Off to the Philippines.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/Y4gDAl1XTC In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/IQMbOn9lds I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/MviwTdi6Q3 I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home.

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

How can we know atheism exists? Where's the evidence? http://t.co/kh13FUKyUW

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/v5VWAlPJ48 It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/ONyfWL4wgP

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/ZMfu7J4bqH

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/iBecvtUWQY Rubbing my ass on these documents because the boss's email says to "cheek his paperwork".

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/TjF2HIFayx

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February. http://t.co/5WIg0vt31q

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/VUF3pk0sab

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

http://t.co/TJtZYFyYnx "It's not you, it's me. " - twins looking at family photos

[Steven Heidstrom @jemstar555]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/4xAPJHZuZW