J.

Mover of commas.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

Marriage is a sacred union between a woman and someone who ruins her credit.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

I should go out and get 3-5 cats just so my life will make some freaking sense.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

I wonder if there is a way to foster discarded #Bachelorette contestants.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

@Okcupidmen whenever I get a message that just says "Wanna Fuck?" I buy myself a new lipstick. Its a win-win. #Shitokcupidmensay

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

Can we please have a season of #thebachelorette where all the contestants work in tech and weigh less than her?

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

There should be a separate Twitter so non-confrontational people can get internet famous.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

@BacheloretteABC How about not portraying violent men as "mysterious" and "complicated."

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

If #TheBachelorette can be followed home by some jerk who doesn't understand "no," there's no hope for the rest of us.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

@OKCupidmen I am henceforth only responding to "Send Nudes" with "Send Bank Statements." #shitokcupidmensay

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

My Mom: "Want a back scratcher I found spring cleaning? It has a long handle so you can use it on yourself. You know, because you're alone."

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

I have officially hit an age at which using photos from college on a dating profile is lying.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

With hard work and therapy, I'm learning to channel my anger into an imaginary friendship with Taylor Swift.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

I strive for a world in which men and women who continue try to contact someone who isn't responding are seen as equally psychotic.

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

New blog: http://t.co/Ud5Bgv0kUR #quarterlifecrisis

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

New post up - finally: http://t.co/297Yda08Z8 #adminlyf #literallycanteven #quarterlifecrisis

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

Got to educate everyone on the difference between rehab and the psych ward today. Sometimes I shine. #adminlyf #quarterlifecrisis

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

New Post: Things I Will Do Better One Day http://t.co/2W2K3mem4P via @wordpressdotcom #theonepieceyears #quarterlifecrisis

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

Going to #HobbyLobby to pick up supplies for the chastity belt I am knitting.

[Jezebel @Jezebel]

Why women aren't people (but corporations are) http://t.co/mUTuHGzqoK

[J. @Jenn_altogether]

And then they came for the boner meds, and there was no one left to speak for me. #HobbyLobby