🐛 jenn 🥬

✨ minion 🩵 mommy 💛 jungian milf and cafeteria catholic🌜🐣🌛 content suitable for people with lobotomies 🧚‍♀️ she/her 🪭

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

👨‍🚀🚀⭐️

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

some months i literally do not get one single symptom of PMS, i just go to the bathroom and my period has arrived

i should be so happy about this, but it makes me panic the entire last week of my cycle that i’m pregnant (i’m not pregnant) lol

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

i’m doing red light therapy at planet fitness and thinking about myself, after this is over i will be brave and take a shower here in the gym

then i will walk home to my extended stay motel and make pho with fried pork chops so my husband does not eat our toddler

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

i like this neighborhood, everyone has more money than me so no one wants to steal my stuff

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

i know jesus loves me, but i think jesus would probably like me too tbh. i try really hard to be good every day and not even just to get into heaven

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

it is illegal to give a minion a bbl so i observe the bbl baddies with nothing but respect

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

counting the pre and post bbl faja wearers in this miami adjacent planet fitness

[josh (actually The Thing for spooky purposes) @bitheresy]

Rotating you but also giving you a snoopy in my mind

[Doom Coming @Getthebagcoach]

Hey man you never know what’s happening in other cities but Tiktok is here to save us and let us know

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

being pregnant was a really magical experience overall for me, even if it was also fucking terrifying, but that was part of the magic really lol

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

sitting in this moving truck all day thinking, and i realized i love being pregnant bc it’s one of the few circumstances as an adult that you get to experience yourself growing physically

it’s like being a child again, but in one of those cartoon scenarios where you grow rapidly

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

i love the south, the manager at the tire store we had to stop at in south carolina was called Mr. Leroy

[Julia🤳⁵⁰⁰ @out_of_eggs]

i thought there was a new chatbot called Eugene cause my dad kept being like “i’m asking Eugene about that restaurant” “let’s see where Eugene says to park.” but he just made a friend called Eugene

[Uncle Sandwich @SighFieri]

Still getting used to daycare policies. They make us label EVERYTHING: a real pain when sending loose cigarettes!

We questioned it, but they explained the babies all smoke different brands, so it makes sense.

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

@aurora_f however, if you rub the sweating iced coffee cup around on the conference table you have now cleaned it, now no one can be annoyed at you ;)

[ethical hater @DijahSB]

went to this sushi restaurant and the owner was drunk and asleep outside his establishment!!!

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

it’s not the hairline that determines purity in the heart of men, it’s their choice in footwear… and sneakerheads are always somewhat evil

[Kat @katdegen]

The hairline index never misses: the purer a man’s heart is, the better his hairline

[🐛 jenn 🥬 @jennberrypie]

i love to read the GirlDinner subreddit, after nearly every post i think to myself “if i was you i would beat my boyfriend with a chair covered in rusty nails”

[🤠 @heavensbvnny]

when i call a cat chonky, i am not fatshaming him. in fact, i am fatpraising him.

[Lyra, Esq., is NOT DAREDEVIL @PinkRangerLB]

Dolly at the pearly gates getting us all into heaven

[Marlow Stern @MarlowNYC]

drunk guy just yelled “i love you” to dolly parton and she said “i love you too but i told you to wait in the trunk”