Jen Fischer

Grammar hammer | Curious storyteller | Trash talker | Evil genius

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

I'm destroying my family members in fantasy football this year, but I'm afraid to acknowledge it and jinx myself. Thus, I'll say it here, where nobody is listening and it doesn't matter anyway. #AlertNelly #IAMNumberOne #TakeTHATUncleTerry

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

But does your griddle make the same gigantic pancakes? #CantGetTheToastThroughTheDoor https://t.co/kYRsgi4lOW

[Greg Warren @GregWarren]

The heater in my apartment makes the same backfire noises as Uncle Buck's car.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

That time when your stepdad gets outed. So long, secret identity. https://t.co/K6DhWWzlQo

[Los Angeles Rams @RamsNFL]

SANTA!! 🎅🏼

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@KelloggMO @1015KPLA Yogurt lets you know when it's gone bad. Nevermind the carton date. You'll be just fine, aside from the usual issues.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@KelloggMO And do you know the perfect soundtrack to this day of desk margaritas? Anything NOT Frampton.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@KelloggMO it'd just be in place of the beer I usually get from the keg in the office's basement. So, yeah. At work. #workinghard

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

You guys, it's #NationalTequilaDay so feel free to celebrate by bringing margaritas to my desk.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

Making magic takes time. Why not just make some mac n cheese? It's practically the same thing. #pastadigitation

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

I hear a #Ted2 commercial and get excited about a new Family Guy movie. Then I look up. Damnit @SethMacFarlane, quit faking me out!

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@Fabletics I'm loving all of the styles, but I've had bad luck with the bra from order #206441987. The strap broke after three wears. Help!

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

How old do I have to get before I don't have Bone Thugs N Harmony's 1st of tha Month stuck in my head on these dates? http://t.co/D5N6COy1Zp

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

Yes. Yes to two of that. https://t.co/xQWlxfuqCo

[SOHA Bar & Grill @SOHAstl]

Eat me! #NationalBurgerDay

[Mike Hall @MikeHallHere]

"Yes he cheated, but other people have cheated in different ways!" Well why didn't you say so. Then it's fine- no need for rules #ANARCHY!

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

Or...it's hidden behind the couch cushions and you sit down into the scariest horror movie ever. #ComePlayWithMe https://t.co/mCIgeTEPNR

[Becky Thompson @ScissortailSilk]

Parent fact: The obnoxious toy you successfully stepped over all day will become unavoidable as you creep from your sleeping child's room.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

Rather than partying with countless margs, I spent the day slamming as many ears of street corn as possible. #CincOld

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

So shoppers can be SUPER pale? https://t.co/wWvl8je9hf

[The A.V. Club @TheAVClub]

ICYMI: Marvel announces Avengers-inspired womeswear to be sold at Hot Topic stores http://t.co/zJM5EhtDpu

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

I got a compliment on my traditional Vietnamese style at lunch yesterday. Yep. #PhoThat

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@TashaRobinson Comes right after the fifth stage: "polish off that box of donuts."

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

@paula_rhodes Whilst also being careful not to pop the p, so to say.

[Jen Fischer @jennymarfish]

Bonus of #DaylightSavingTime When I'm up until 3 a.m. working, it only feels like I'm up until 2 a.m. working. yay.