Jensen Healey

I like NASCAR, cats, lifting heavy things, and America.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I wish I had enough hair to grow a mullet and enough money to own a '87 K5 blazer with a 454 big block. That'd be my dream life.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I wish there was a pill to feel the elation one feels when 6 rum and cokes deep at a wedding and Mr. Brightside comes on.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I've never walked into a Dollar General where it hasn't looked like a bomb has gone off.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I'm somewhere between "Let's bust my ass forever and become successful." And "Sit on a tractor the rest of my life and mow the lawn."

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@KyleNichols_31 Absolutely

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I'm going to bet you won't see any "Dog Dad" posts on Father's day.

[NASCAR @NASCAR]

We are saddened to learn of the passing of former driver and owner Eric McClure. NASCAR extends its deepest condolences to Eric’s family and friends.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@Schorkweek So proud of you for becoming a dolphin proctologist.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

In honor of the late, great DMX, I will now try to convince Abbey that our first dance song will be to "X Gon' Give it to Ya."

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I like to consider myself an educated man. What I can't wrap my brain around is how does a Twitter account with a booty picture as the profile pic get half a million likes?

A tweet like, "Can't believe tomatoes are red." Would get 350k likes easy.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

To my fellow Micks: Go eat some potatoes and wash it down with a pint of Guinness today.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@thjnerozzi @TimothyNerozzi First Tunkhannock resident to become verified. Big day for our town.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@ScharkSchork You're a gender neutral potato

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

We now have a gender neutral Mr. Potato Head. I draw the line on gender neutrality when the powers that be remove genders from potatoes.

[NASCAR on USA @NASCARonUSA]

The Intimidator. Mr. Restrictor Plate. Legend.

Rewatch Dale Earnhardt's phenomenal run to the checkered at @Talladega in 2000, his 76th and last win in @NASCAR.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@thjnerozzi Calm down there honcho.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@ScharkSchork I asked how Mrs. Schork has been.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

The people that post on your hometown's Facebook group are usually the dumbest people.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@thjnerozzi Absolutely

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

@leejeremy21 When you need to hit arms at 5 but stack pallets at the warehouse at 6.

[Jensen Healey @jensenhealey17]

I can't wait until I over exaggerate the hell out of 2020 to my kids.

What I will tell them: People were dying all over and riots were in every part of the country!

What it was really like: I went to work in my PJs and I drank a lot.