t

u can’t arrest me i’m the cake boss

[oatmeal influencer @acechhh]

have to tell a guy his house is sinking tomorrow

[Rajat Suresh @rajat_suresh]

Grinch: I would like to buy a dog

Pet store employee: ok are you a guy?

Grinch: No. I am some sort of gorilla

Pet store employee: That is fine.

Grinch: A green gorilla

Employee: Doesn’t matter

[Zohran Kwame Mamdani @ZohranKMamdani]

POLLS ARE NOW OPEN.

[t @jeremycube69]

@graciegiglio the pr team monday never knew she needed

[Christian Snow @cgraysnow]

me and Luigi Mangione

[hellogan1 @gebrauchsmusik]

And lead us not into penn station

[t @jeremycube69]

in hannah’s apartment throwing grapes at these guys’ heads while they wait for the bathroom full speed #nycmarathon

[t @jeremycube69]

we got a mandoline slicer & we keep calling it amanda lynn & it’s always her fault when the zucchini gets sliced too thin

[Pyramid Chad @pyrameadhead]

You cannot say "someone should try again" on the internet

[t @jeremycube69]

guy at the karaoke bar just put a blockbuster card down for his tab & now i need to know everything about him

[t @jeremycube69]

i really really love the NEW YORK RANGERS

[t @jeremycube69]

one time when i lived in denver they brought a prize-winning bull into a hotel lobby so people could see him & he was visibly stressed out & i cried so hard i had to go home

[—— @badgesture]

i went to new york’s hottest gallery reception: the highland cow meet and greet

[t @jeremycube69]

“orpheum theater is where i saw the star wars burlesque show. it.. wasn’t that sexy”

[t @jeremycube69]

is a shrimp a crustacean or a bug

[t @jeremycube69]

last night we let the topical magnesium talk

[t @jeremycube69]

empire state building is non binary

[Jeremy Corbyn @jeremycorbyn]

Gaza has been a test for humanity, and our political leaders have failed.

Their moral authority lies under the rubble, along with the thousands of lives that could have been saved by a ceasefire.

We still believe in a more peaceful world, and we are not going anywhere.

[t @jeremycube69]

they should make a headphone for three

[t @jeremycube69]

she mort on my dell til i uhhhh

[t @jeremycube69]

bouncer at the club said “so sorry we’re packed it’s fashion week” I said I thought it was restaurant week? we did not get into the club