Jeremy Messmer

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

@NYCMayor @NYPDShea @NYC911 just called 911 about the fireworks. The respons I got was “they’re just fireworks what’s the big deal” (no joke) is this how we handle illegal activity now? Makes me wonder what I can get away with...

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

@NYCMayor @NYPDShea I’m a teacher. When a taxpayer asks me to examine a problem with what I do, I do it. Because I’m good at my job and I respect those I work for. I the taxpayer am asking. No. Demanding. Get these goddamed fireworks under control. No excuses. Get. It. Done.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Tweet tweet.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

I just threw my soup on the floor in a fit of stupid #ComeHereDoggies #AtLeastIDidntTossMyCookies

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

In case you were wondering, and I know you were, apples and onions are not the same thing.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Despite life's uncertainties Despite the ever changing landscape of NYC There's 1 thing I can always count on Chicken bones on the sidewalk

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Happy National Heart Attack Day! #XLIX

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

YASSSSS without the Y is just a big ass.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Who needs to pay for entertainment when you have autocorrect and people you may know?

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Happy Xmas. War is over. Wait. No. Xmas is over. Is the war over? The song must be over. #OverIt #WTF

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Don't think of it as opposition think of it as Balance #LifeHack

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Yesterday #tbt

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Who wants to go to the beach?

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Oh thank GOD. I've been watching figure skating for an HOUR and someone FINALLY fell. Now I can sleep soundly.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Ellen Degeneres just did a monologue about football players. and their. balls. that's all.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

This Boston had no cream in it #OverHeardInNewYork #HopeHeWasTalkingAboutAdonut

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

"No, Brian, it's called 'yoga.' Lots of smart people do it instead of going to church."

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Pretty sure I just saw Al Roker standing awkwardly against a corner in Columbus Circle. Creeper.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Last night: Whitney. Tonight: Jodi. I wonder what tomorrow night will hold.

[Jeremy Messmer @jermezz]

Idina Menzel is singing the national anthem at the Super Bowl. Clearly we haven't learned our lesson.