Jessica Ryan

✌️&❤️

[Jessica Ryan @jes_ryan]

Darling, you deserve someone who adores you.

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

Pretty sure the Pizza Hut delivery driver is always secretly judging us for answering our door in our jammies every time he comes

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

How much can can a white girl can if a white girl couldn't can't even?

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

It's taking 2 coworkers 20min to figure out how to attach a document & send an email. Suddenly I feel like the smartest person in the office

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

My signature move is bottling up my feelings over time until I completely lose my shit over the smallest thing

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

Is it still considered hanging up on someone if you say "I'm hanging up on you"?

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

They do say that 70% of the time when a woman's asking a question she already knows the answer...

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

One simply cannot leave the dollar store with just one thing. It's scientifically impossible.

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

1 of my coworkers got caught jerking off to porn at work, so they've decided to limit our internet. Way to ruin it for the rest of us buddy!

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

I'm a really affectionate person once you get past my 5 layers of shyness, awkwardness, fear, anxiety & vague dislike

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

Pretty sure 95% of all conflicts I have could be avoided if I just fucking ate something.

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

I need 4 months vacation thrice a year

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

the inevitable love for things you're not meant to have

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

have someone who makes you a little excited to wake up every morning

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

you lost the person you were once never tired of

[@ndiquote @ndiquote]

I've mastered the art of pretending not to care about you

[Ali 🇨🇦🇺🇦 @Bertasnowsnake]

If you don't pretend to be Neil Peart on your steering wheel when Tom Sawyer comes on the radio then we can't be friends.

[Jackson @kerouac741]

I'm like a grapefruit. An acquired taste which takes forever to like and even then you're not sure you do.

[Jackson @kerouac741]

Tweets so bad they broke your hard drive.

[❤️‍🔥Sardonic Tart❤️‍🔥 @SardonicTart]

*My dog starts crying*

Me: I know right?