Jessica Burgo

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Nothing pisses me off more than when my sisters Snapchat me and it’s not of their children.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

I just gave a strangers dog a treat and the guy was like “what do you say” and I was like.. he is my people. Treating your dog like your child in the most awkward way. I’m here for it.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

The most annoying thing about Scott is that every time I ask him to pass my inhaler he “takes a hit” and try’s to blow it out his nose like a cigarette. That’s not the annoying part. I grew up in an asthmatic home where inhalers were like currency.. and one “hit” is a damn waste.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

@onepeloton okay hear me out…. Hannah Montana artist series. Not Miley Cyrus (although I love her) HANNAH👏🏽MONTANA👏🏽 that’s the playlist to pump me up..

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Re reading my therapists notes from 2015 and actually understanding what she said… 6 years later. “all that abuse you were being accused of by her was a projection of her own narcissistic behavior towards you” 🤯 10/10

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

I asked Scott to bring me a glass of wine and he literally brought me a glass and the bottle of wine… why can’t I just have a normal husband? Who the f doesn’t just pour a glass of wine.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

POV: Scott texting me “I love you” out of the blue when we were first dating

Me: 🥰

POV: Scott texting me “I love you” out of the blue now.

Me:
Why?!
What’s wrong?!?
What did you do?
What do you want?!
Are you okay?!

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Without fail any time Scott comes near me, Hemmy stands up as if to say.. one step closer and you’ll have be to deal with… I’ll never find a more loyal man then Hemmy

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Scott: how’re you feeling?
Me: Sick
Scott: can I get you anything?
Me: no
Scott: soup? Water? Meds? Should I stop somewhere and get you something
Me: no
Scott: are you SURE!?
Translation: if you say no 3 times it means I can play video games for 18 hrs without interruption

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

If you suggest a Netflix show to me and it doesn’t blow my mind.. I’ll never trust you again.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Read a meme that stated.. “no one cares about your firework, dog or zoo pics” and was like.. one of these is not like the others??? Also this person is not my people.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

When we moved in I told a neighbor my name was Jess. It’s been 3 weeks and they still call me Jexx.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Finishes new girl. Searches through everything on Netflix for an hour. Starts new girl again.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Scott’s loyalty is so weak. He said he was going to lunch and “forgot” to tell me he was going to my favorite restaurant. I don’t know how he’s going to look me in the eye later…

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

The one thing I wish New Girl would have addressed before wrapping up the series… did Jess and Nick end up naming their first born Reginald VelJohnson?!

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

Rewatching the twilight movies as an adult makes me realize how toxic both Edward and Bella were and how much Jacob and literally everyone else was just trying to love her. That’s the dumbest tweet I’ve ever twat.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

I want to be friends with whoever’s playlist is playing at my gym right now. Literally the that’s so raven theme song played followed by 3 old school one direction songs and then solja boy…

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

My dad is at an age where he’s wearing Hawaiian shirts non ironically and I love every minute of it.

[Jessica Burgo @jessburgo]

@dillyshaff_ Haters? You don’t have haters. You’re literally the nicest human alive 😂