Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname)

philanthropist (donated $20 to Wikipedia once), professional chud

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@Hiki_Tsugii South Park exists in a temporal anomaly where time passes normally but nobody ages biologically.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@pineappl_osc Technically speaking, South Park.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@coatedangels Kenny literally says in his will that he never really liked Cartman.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

What would Kyle do if he woke up at 3 am and Cartman was standing at the side of his bed shirtless staring down at him and said “rub my nipples, Kahl. They’re nice and tender for you.”

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@ImperiumFirst MechaHitler is still in there somewhere.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@keizer8448 But it isn’t.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

Enter, Greg. Greg sold his PS5 Slim for a bunch of Mattel HyperScans the year prior. Everybody rightfully laughed in his face. They called him an idiot.

Now, he’s making $20,000 a month.

Who’s laughing now? (3/3)

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

The year is 2027. Microsoft and Sony have just released their 10th generation consoles. Because of the RAM shortage, they’re like $1,500. Out of pure spite, the internet revolts and buys up Mattel HyperScans that haven’t seen the light of day in twenty years. (1/3)

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

Because Mattel produced like 12 of these things before realizing they were making a mistake, there is an unprecedented level of demand for the HyperScan. (2/3)

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

Does my jacket on the floor look like the GTA V map?

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

tumblr hoes be like “im so baby!!1! 🥺🥺🥺” but roll down the window in a hot car like damn bitch aint no baby that can do that either die in the car or admit you a grown ass fuckin woman

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

genuinely insult Nikol mistr in a house where I pay the bills and we’re having an impromptu deathmatchin the backyard.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@ThrowawayA55057 @SGR_SEAN We all hate Sony right now but damn bro that’s a straight lie the PS3 and PS4 were golden.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

Cast a biblical plague upon Sony NOW

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@Teaziii @RaikkonTW @SandSeal72 @RealConorOil Notice how you didn’t refute his point. “Go be miserable somewhere else” is not an argument.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@MDickieDotcom Mat I love your games but my GOD you are a whiny, insecure prick. The second people started actually playing your games you lost every ounce of humility that made you likeable in the 2000s.

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

@ShitpostGate Mommy said it’s my turn to repost this again.

[caramel @carmentisms]

@pupzypup hawk 2: uh

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

what if your sweet little granny became a smug punchable crypto bro

[Jesse (you ain’t getting my surname) @jesse3167]

snapchat is culturally dead bruh it belongs to the dank meme memenade UK Brian tts era