Uncle Jesse

|| Cotton Eye Joe Extraordinaire ||

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

USA. A Mexican restaurant. We had not yet ordered anything, and the food was already arriving.

Chips. Salsa. Unrequested. Free.

I stopped the waiter. "We have not earned these."

"They just come with the table, man."

They come with the TABLE. In my land, hospitality is a debt. Every gift creates an obligation, weighed carefully, returned in the proper season with interest of feeling. Here, the gift arrives before you have even proven you can pay for dinner.

This is not an appetizer. This is a declaration: we trust you. Eat.

I ate with the gravity the moment deserved. And then — I must report this calmly — the basket emptied, and a new one appeared.

"Did we…?"

"Refill," the waiter said. "It's bottomless."

Bottomless. They have wells of salsa. The supply lines of this nation are beyond anything my ancestors imagined.

My friend warned me. "Don't fill up on chips, dude."

Too late. I had accepted three baskets. Honor demanded each one be finished — an unfinished gift is an insult. By the time my actual food arrived, I was a ruined man.

I was not hungry. I was not comfortable. I had been defeated by a courtesy.

Generosity that arrives before the request cannot be repaid. It can only be survived.

I know the rule now. I have made my peace with the basket. One basket. Two at the most.

Who am I deceiving. There is no number of baskets I would refuse. The trust of a nation is in that salsa, and I intend to honor all of it.

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Poking people on facebook will heal the earth

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

I know planet fitness is a judgement free zone… but I think the blindfolded guy on the stair master, rapping, and throwing his hands in the air like Eminem in 8 mile might be pushing the limits of the policy

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Pro tip: preheat your Yeti in the microwave before you put a hot beverage in it

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

@MountainDew when I turn around, would you mind pulling the knife out of my back??

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

I play for the name on the front of my Snuggie #TheseColorsDontRun

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Hugo Chavez literally rolling over in his grave

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Breaking parole

[Mountain Dew® @MountainDew]

Starting an online petition to have these installed everywhere

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

You’ve been warned

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

I never thought New Castle, PA would impact the Steelers

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

@MountainDew your move

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

@CallofDuty @PlayStation I just wanted to have a Baja Blast with the boys, but I flew too close to the sun and Baja Crashed. I knew it wasn’t going the Baja Last, but I was hoping for more time before the fun Baja Passed @MountainDew

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

For Immediate Release: I plan on getting a couple Baja Blasts and playing PlayStation tonight. You have been warned. No questions at this time.

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Update @CallofDuty and @PlayStation ruined this for me and the boys.

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

The false hope this gave me is unreal

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

@ellalangleymsic, I would have chose Tennessee, fyi

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Anybody know who won the national dog show yesterday?

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

I get mad when people forget that @Arbys literally has the meats

[Uncle Jesse @jesselitz]

Life was a movie tonight