Jess

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[Science girl @sciencegirl]

The motherhood experience is universal

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Had James watch stick it last night he laughed 5 times. That’s a win.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Three mins from the time James said goodnight to snoring.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

And almost 20 years later Abercrombie and fitch has me in another chokehold.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

James turns up the air by using the wall controls. I turn down the air on the app immediately. We go to bed and tomorrow night we do the exact same thing. 🙃

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Please note that this is an actual statement from Kamala

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Wonder what plague James brought home this time. Fever, body aches, sore throat, headache. Negative for Covid 😐 send help.

[Fox News @FoxNews]

Republican lawmaker’s son steals spotlight by making silly faces during speech on House floor https://t.co/BPZVm9kB1u

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

This is what I imagine women mean when they put irreconcilable differences means on divorce packets.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Hotel night one: James left 2 pairs of shoes at the foot of the bed. I got out of the bed in the dark to walk to the bathroom, tripped over all of the shoes, stubbed my toe. I kept walking to the bathroom and then sat on the toilet, I fell in. He left the toilet seat up.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

I genuinely hate hotels, hotel AC, hotel sheets. A friend who once worked and managed homes in summer accommodations (we live at the beach) told me the amount bed bugs being at hotels, rentals etc. I now have to check all hotel beds, because the thought of that freaks me out.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Why I am a bad traveler? I like my bed. I like my pillows. I like late night snacks. I have to have a box fan blowing on me at night. I don’t like unfiltered ice cubes. I have to bring my own blankets to a hotel. I hate the thread count on hotel sheets.

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Anyone else’s daughter obsessed with turkey decoys? Like she wants to carry it around, and it’s like a stuffed animal to her… no one else’s kid? No? #turkeyseason

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

Me shopping online at @moanabikini with my lil $15 dollar off coupon I got today… James looks at my phone and said “why is everyone oiled up?” I never noticed it but they are. They look good tho 😂 #bronzed

[Jess @jesselizabeth_f]

*posts story* *immediately checks to see who views it*
*no views yet, posted 3s ago*
Me: rude.

[Historic Vids @historyinmemes]

He's was the biggest gentleman in school and all the girls bought him something for Valentines day

[✨👑 𝓛𝓐𝓜𝓞𝓤𝓝 𝓜 👑✨ @Prince_virgo914]

Yes we all know Facebook and IG are down. Now go outside and count each blade of grass, one by one

[Cora Harrington @CoraCHarrington]

Currently sitting on a flight. The woman across the aisle from me is wrangling a toddler + a child who is maybe 5 yrs old. The toddler is crying and the child is throwing a tantrum. The husband? Sitting in the row in front of them wearing noise canceling headphones. A useless man