Flowering Crabapple

Satan’s CFO, she/her

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

Only god can boo me

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

FOR THE GAYS!!! Gabby I love you.

[Renee @PettyLupone]

According to ESPN, the top two players in the league are in this picture.

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

@amyamnesia Not yet but I’ll keep you posted

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

@itsheathermurr It seems like a joyless existence

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

My super power is being seated next to women who spend their first dates listing foods they don’t like.

[Reductress @Reductress]

How to Get Your Student Loans Paid Off by Convincing the Government You're a Bank: https://t.co/auOwVv6ivd

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

Great episode but can’t believe they didn’t touch on the fact that the book’s authors keep saying “do the rules” instead of “follow the rules”

[If Books Could Kill @IfBooksPod]

Episode 17: The Rules

In 1995 a bestselling book proposed a simple dating strategy for women: Lose weight, wear bright colors and become a completely different person for the rest of your life.
https://t.co/JrDYxMm5lP

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

Eating a mixed handful of jelly bellies is:

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

@danifesto The champs

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

There’s also drunk girls smelling each others hair.

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

There is a dude trimming his nose hair on the bus. I can’t.

[silver 🦪🍁 @leafybunts]

every variation of this

[Tom and Lorenzo @tomandlorenzo]

We should all find ways to use the messiest parts of ourselves as forces for good

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

@lint_ax Dan turned to me and asked “do you feel empowered?” when it ended so I guess I have to get divorced now

[National Park Service @NatlParkService]

Did you know if you hold an ermine up to your ear, you can hear what it’s like to be attacked by an ermine?

[Sick Things™ 🍓 @cuteordeath]

there's an aquarium across the street from the venue where I'm working tonight that has various pictures of shoplifters posted up and one was labeled "shrimp thief" and I wholeass expected the photo to be of a cat.

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

Is there anything more NFL than the shot of “END RACISM” painted in the end zone coming seconds before a racist chant from the KC fans?

[Flowering Crabapple @jessimuhka]

@lint_ax Extremely difficult not to retweet this